London

Commute by Boat!

The banks are strewn with rusty Tesco trolleys, grumpy seagulls mull about on antique buoys, and Tower Bridge's shadow looms over a family of European faces. Yes, we're on the glorious Thames River, and we're reclaiming it for us proper Londoners. You may have never believed it was within your reach, but the Thames is yours. The Thames Clipper is actually a commuter boat and is thus incorporated into the Oyster scheme (though a small surcharge applies), but essentially you get a thrilling boat ride up the city's main artery. Running from Millbank Pier to the Royal Arsenal Woolwich Pier, the Clipper slices through central and east London with gusto, taking in most of the architectural loves we've grown bored with as land-lubbers. For whilst sitting stern-side the Houses of Parliament, the Royal Observatory, and even the London Eye are all wondrous. And if it's a really nice day you may spot a stranded whale sun-bathing on the banks...

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Landmarks • Tower Hill / Aldgate

Jack the Ripper Tour

Perhaps I hadn't quite grasped the concept of serial killing, but the Jack the Ripper Tour was much more grisly than I'd anticipated. The business of ho-ripping was not, it turns out, a delicate one. But you've got to laugh, eh? Intestines flung over the shoulders, feet on a hacked-off boob, bobbies slipping about on spilled guts... It's not Vicar of Dibley admittedly, but it was charmingly enjoyable, and you'll soon set morals aside to lap up your guide's wild-eyed and dribbling delight as he indulges you with the salacious details of Victorian atrocity. Do apply a filter on yourself before you book of course: this is not, for example, for those who spluttered their grammatically substandard indignation over the Andrew Sachs scandal. But for those who are cheerfully desensitised by the gruesome and explicit media coverage of modern times, this is a top night out. For less than a cinema ticket you can discover new bits of London, be entertained for two hours, and learn lots of Fascinating Facts that your friends will never tire of, no matter how much they pretend otherwise.

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Landmarks • Tower Hill / Aldgate

No Money, No Problems

Whilst recently wondering if I could afford to fork-out an absurd amount of money on a number of new things I didn't need, I reflected that life in London is (obviously) exorbitantly pricey. However, there are solutions to this problem, one of the most attractive being Petticoat Lane Market. Running half-heartedly during weekdays, but blooming into a crowded clamour of unintelligible trader shouts every Sunday morning, it is absurdly cheap. Cheap, cheap, cheap. I struggled to find a suit for more than 25 pounds, admittedly, most would have made me look like the keyboard player in a crap wedding band, but 25 pounds! Unfortunately, the traders' wares do seem to consist mainly of strangely styled and shaped clothing, but if you happen to be in need of a new suitcase or a load of reggae DVDs, these also seem abundant. The market is also a draw to genuine bargain hunters, meaning it is delightfully free of posh idiots taking monochrome photos with their digital SLR's whilst looking for organic sausages. Petticoat Lane (now actually called Middlesex Street) is also close enough to Brick Lane, where there is also a Sunday market, to ensure that if you're feeling particularly frisky you can manage both in a morning--extra bargain!

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Shopping • Tower Hill / Aldgate