Tight Squeeze Be Damned

The other day I nearly killed an elderly woman in an unfamiliar grocery store with my shopping cart; I avoided a collision of disastrous proportions only by letting out a shriek and smashing my cart into the shelves as I came around the corner and saw her standing there, wide-eyed. This has always been my problem with New York grocery stores: the aisles are so tight, I'm inspired to go on a diet every time I need to squeeze past someone to get to my Wheat Thins. Enter Appletree Market, which seems to have answered my prayers by recently renovating their entire interior, including making the aisles more spacious and well-organized. I’m also particularly fond of the mix-in salad bar and sandwich counter, which, though not cheap, has fed me endless meals in a pinch, sometimes pushing 4 am (the market is open 24 hours). While the prices are still much higher than Fairway and the produce is a little questionable, the experience of running to the market to pick up a few things is much more enjoyable nowadays without the threat of breaking someone's kneecaps in the process.

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Supermarkets • Columbia / Morningside Heights

M & G Diner

If you think visiting a Harlem "soul food diner" requires guts, you're not totally wrong. Fried chicken, ribs, and meatloaf are familiar, old-fashioned options at M&G, but for more of a challenge, try the chitterlings. These curls of boiled pork intestine (call them "chitlins," or your waitress will give you a doubting look) are chewy, bland, and considerably improved by a few shakes from the hot-sauce bottle. Somehow, the kitchen was sold out of collard greens, so I matched 'em up with black-eyed peas, yams, and biscuits, then cruised the countertop cake displays for a fat slice of coconut-lemon.

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Restaurants • Columbia / Morningside Heights

Tom’s Restaurant

If you were to show anyone this photograph, there is a 95% chance that they know where it’s from, and we’re talking about people in China, Appalachia, and even those who’ve never seen a television. Seinfeld was such a large part of American life, and for so long, that few people don’t gasp a bit when they first see it, and it’s usually a larger gasp than those that occur around other New York landmarks like the Met, Columbus Circle, or Original Famous Ray’s Pizza (or is it just Famous Ray’s Pizza?). So after taking your customary eyeful, recalling your favorite episode, what else is there to do but go inside and sit down and order, say, a tuna on rye? Well, you can of course, but I wouldn’t necessarily recommend it. To tell you the truth, this place seems like a magnet for tourists that want to sit in the Seinfeld diner… therefore, the fine folks at Tom’s expect you to be long-gone before the indigestion sets in. While most diner items are average (only the milkshakes are above par), most menu items taste like they’re all made from the same source of pulped newspaper. Fine for an experience, fine for dragging some friend from out of town to go and gawk, but you’d be smart to take your palate elsewhere.

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Restaurants • Columbia / Morningside Heights

The Cathedral of Saint John the Divine

After traveling through Europe for a few weeks, I nearly had a nervous breakdown. I was at Notre Dame in Paris and I collapsed on the sidewalk in tears because there I was, about to go look at another freaking cathedral, as if all I’d done for three weeks was look at cathedrals, and I suddenly wanted to die. But when you haven’t admired the fantastic beauty of a formidable cathedral lately, I highly suggest making a trip to St. John the Divine. A work-in-progress, the cathedral rivals any found in Europe for both it’s awesome size and classic form, and it’s right here in New York City. You don’t ever have to go to Europe. Plus, no worries, you don’t even have to be Catholic. Guided tours are available for a mere $5, Tuesdays through Saturdays at 11 am and 1pm. Otherwise, you can peruse the grounds or attend a service. It’s true, I went to one and they didn’t even ask for identification.

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Landmarks • Columbia / Morningside Heights

Labyrinth Books

Let’s face it, we live in a new world, a world where books and the written word are ever becoming marginalized, side-barred, usurped by internet ‘content’ and flashy toothpaste packaging. The used book store, as we have known it for the last two centuries, is largely becoming a thing of the past. Now it’s just Borders, Barnes and Noble, and The Strand as far as the eye can see. But Book Culture is as close as we can ever get to that nostalgic past. You see, Book Culture accommodates professors at Columbia, Barnard, City College, and other campuses who like to actually teach things. This means two things for you: a selection of the best books to be had on earth, and a steady collection of used copies of said books. You don’t have to wade through ten rows of crappy, flash-in-the-pan fiction, or the giant display of Steve Martin’s last gaffe, just to find something worthy of a few hours of your life. No, the books are real, they’re the best, and there’s no DVD section or café. Just books. If you want it, it’s there. If it’s not there, they’ll order it for you. Simple. No; it’s beautiful. Simply beautiful then.

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Bookstores , Shopping • Columbia / Morningside Heights

Koronet Pizza

Koronet Pizza is not for the faint of heart. Their jumbo slice is not a standard slice of pie, but a yield sign made of dough, smothered in sauce and cheese. Yes, it’s that big. At $2.75, you can’t get a better deal on a slice of pie in the city, and from a self-professed connoisseur of such things, this is a hefty statement. The line can often be long, since every Columbia student knows about the place, but the guys behind the counter are efficient and true New York. When it’s your turn to order, you’d better be ready or they’ll just go to the person behind you. It’s beautiful. If you like toppings, they cost $1 each on the jumbo, and they don’t skimp on quantity. If you’re ever in the neighborhood, you’d be a fool to miss this landmark establishment.

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Restaurants • Columbia / Morningside Heights