Happy Happy Diner Diner

If you're a true New Yorker, every once in awhile you need a good ol' greasy diner breakfast first thing in the morning. You can't do it every day unless you have an iron stomach or don't care if you live past 40. But when you're feeling a little down or just need a huge does of protein, the classic New York Diner is there for you. That brings us to Square Diner in Tribeca--the perfect place to start your morning. Friendly waitresses, perfectly brewed diner coffee (it's actually pretty good), and of course mounds of bacon, bagels, eggs, and homefries to clog your arteries and keep you going all day. Lean cuisine this is not and thank goodness for that.

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Coffee , Restaurants • TriBeCa

Go Avant-Garde Go

Tired of hanging out until 2 am to see mediocre bands in Williamsburg? Want something to expand your musical mind a bit more than a night at Irving Plaza? Look no further. Roulette's now on its 30th year of experimental music, and it's hanging on (as opposed to dearly departed Tonic) right smack dab in the middle of upscale Manhattan, in SoHo of all places. Saturday's gig with Lisle Ellis and 8 other musicians was a great mix of originals plus a great Cecil Taylor piece to close the first set; while the musicians joked that they'd rather have been uptown that night (Ornette Coleman was playing at Columbus Circle), we felt right at home. Upcoming: the New York Electronic Arts Festival, October 16-18. More mind-expanding music for the avant-garde among you.

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Nightlife • TriBeCa

Kaffe 1668

On a block of Greenwich Street most notable for its Whole Foods and the clanging of nearby construction cranes sits a new hideaway---Kaffe 1668. Their coffee is fair trade and pretty tasty, but what you're here for is the atmosphere. With its wooden communal table at street level, and its cozy red banquettes downstairs, Kaffe 1668 provides a welcome respite for those of us continually lost in Starbucks Ville. A mellow soundtrack and a healthy mix of laptop-toting downtowners and boisterous talkers make this a great place to grab coffee, no matter what your mood. The best part: Unlike some Manhattan coffee places where the turnover rate is steroidal, here you're free to linger as long as you please. One final note--if you're not a fan of Tribeca uber-moms and the babies they tote with them, you've been warned.

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Coffee • TriBeCa

Buzzing to Tribeca

Think Tribeca is a wasteland of empty streets and overpriced restaurants? Well, it is. But this Tribeca cafe is exceptional. Through wide windows you can get a glimpse of the warm brown tones of the place--the same color as the delish coffee they serves up! Seriously, their potent mochaccinos could knock a Dunkin Donuts drinker unconscious with headiness. Exposed brick, high ceilings, polished smooth wood floors, and a trim counter all lend a glossy, airy feel to this spacious cafe. You can enjoy your drink on site, sitting on a low stool at a funny little table the shape of a fava bean. More than just a place for tasty caffeine sipping, it's also a most welcome relief from the unbearably slow tourists clogging Canal Street and the vendors tirelessly trying to hustle you into buying a shitty faux designer bag.

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Coffee • TriBeCa

Chris Johanson: Totalities

Chris Johanson does not just create art. He creates full on artistic environments. His Totalities exhibition at the Deitch Projects through October 25 is a two-level extravaganza of painting, music, sculpture, and organic architecture. Johanson and his assistants carefully constructed everything by hand using only recycled and found materials from Brooklyn. It's a trip through four distinct worlds reminding us of our fragile existence on the planet. In the first room, several multi-colored paintings surround a rotating sculpture. Move in and out between the various spaces and submerge yourself in the musical soundtrack that envelops the room. Then enter the expansive space where you can climb the steps and look out on to the fragile world below. Before you exit, take a moment to mellow out amongst the beautiful walls of beige and brown hand painted boxes. Totality accomplished.

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Art Galleries • TriBeCa

Your Goose is Cooked (Maybe Too Much)

Yes, it’s cool-looking, and yes, it’s in TriBeCa, where I would live if I made actual money instead of NFT-dollars, but is the food at Blaue Gans worth the credit card debt? Mostly, little grasshoppers, mostly—although my Suckling Pig was dry, and I can’t really imagine any fate worse than overcooked meat, including death (one of those “musts” for me, however, is Suckling Pig on Menu = Rob orders Suckling Pig). Next time, though, I’ll know what to order—because my friend’s jager schnitzel was fucking awesome. As was the Tyrolean speck, and the dessert (pictured) which was Chocolate Truffle Lollipops with Vanilla Milkshake and Double Crestor. An excellent date place, given the cool-factor, good to go on an expense account (now really, what isn’t though), but in the end—it’s still Austrian food, which is NOT either #1 or #2 on the world’s list of Great Cuisines. But hey—Thomas Bernhard was Austrian, and he was cooler than you.

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Restaurants • TriBeCa

Bon Bon Chicken

After reading the rave reviews for this place, I figured that I only had to try a bite of the chicken to confirm the hype and then write up this review. I called in an order for pick-up (the website says to allow for 15 minutes for the preparation of your chicken), and snuck out of the office while my boss was in the bathroom. I figured if I took a leisurely stroll over from our East Broadway offices, I’d be just in time to snatch my chicken fresh out of the fryer, and I’d be able to hoof it on back to the office with little to no explaining to do to the bossman. Unfortunately, I ended up waiting 30 minutes in the bare and stark interior of Bon Bon. When I got back to my desk, I got yelled at, and, in addition, I had some over-fried chicken, a piddling sweet bun, and some too-vinegary coleslaw to assuage my guilt. Verdict: if you have an hour to kill and 8 bucks to spare on some mediocre chicken, go to Popeye’s. The packaging won’t be as pretty, but at least you won’t be pissed off.

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Restaurants • TriBeCa

Pakistan Tea House

Of the four places listed here, Pakistan Tea House is the one that would most likely be called a restaurant. In fact compared to the others, this place is downright fancy. There are several tables and chairs (even tablecloths!). The naan is baked fresh to order, and the vegetarian samosas are only $1. The combos are an ample amount of food and range from $5 to $6. Pakistan Tea House is also open until 4 am, which is a big plus for this neighborhood.

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Restaurants • TriBeCa

Ula Day Spa

Tucked away in the back streets of Tribeca, Ula Day Spa offers manicures, pedicures, and facials,but their best service by far is massage. Choose the one-hour treatment ($90)—it’s hardly worth the effort of traveling there for a half-hour rub. If it’s your first time, ask for Jennifer; an excellent masseuse from Belfastin Northern Ireland. Arrive at least 20 minutes prior to your appointment time and take advantage of their lovely sauna and complimentary fresh fruit. The only negative feature of the spa was the cruddy showers—don’t bother wearing expensive clothing because you’re going to have a difficult time removing the massage oil before putting them back on. Also, the spa is co-ed, so expect to share the sauna and locker room with members of the opposite sex.

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Shopping • TriBeCa