Drink to Your Heritage!

In New York, everyone's an immigrant. Whether born in New York or off the boat yesterday, nativist claims are relative at best. At least this is what I tried to remind myself when that old outsider feeling took hold amongst the chandeliers and tapestries of the American Irish Historical Society. I'm Irish-American, they're Irish-American! So what if they have lots of sparkly tchochkies and the best view in the city of the Met and the tourist-pleebs milling about on its front steps? Sipping free wine at an event, putting on my best "travel-writer" face, I felt my NYC-cred seriously challenged in the same room with wealthy New Yorkers established enough to afford the AIHS membership fee. The building itself, bedecked in the riches earned by Emerald-Isle-expats past, is a testament to the fruition of the American dream. Or at least it could be. In true Irish form, I continued to drink wine and forgot to ask about the cherubic mantel clock pictured here. So all told, a visit to the American Irish Historical Society could be a great way to connect to historical Irish-Americans, or at least booze with current ones.

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Museums • Upper East Side (Lower)

Health Care: Upper East Style

If you find yourself on the street one night, holding one of your internal organs and frantically trying to put the blood back into your bloodstream, by all means, proceed to the nearest hospital. But if you have any leeway at all, and you are not a billionaire tycoon (I know you're not, because you're reading NFT), avoid Lenox Hill Hospital. Though this institution supposedly has a crackerjack set of physicians, it's the Ritz-Carlton of hospitals and they will gouge you for every drop of morphine and every scratch on the MRI machine, whether you have insurance or not. And there's an equal likelihood that you'll spend four hours in the waiting room (even if you report an agonizing 10 on the "pain scale") and leave without a diagnosis. Always go to the nearest facility in a true emergency, but for those less-urgent, non-lethal problems, find the nearest hospital that doesn't have diamond-studded pillow cases and keep the address on-hand. Not that I speak from experience.

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Hospitals , Emergency Rooms • Upper East Side (Lower)

Shine On

Once, a while back, I got the idea to use Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" artwork as the central image for my personal style. Sadly, it never went beyond making necklaces out of chandelier crystals to wear over black tunics and colored tights. But self-trained English jewelry designer Solange Azagury-Partridge has taken similar inspirations much farther, to the very height of fashion. Her one-week-old Madison Avenue boutique is a true shopping dream: a high-luxury-velvet-rainbow-glam-rock-interstellar-sitting-room reminiscent of far-out 1970s album covers. SAP makes fine jewelry that’s as fun and daring as costume jewelry, for those who have the money to spend thousands and no desire to wear grandmother's heirlooms. With collections titled "Black Rainbows," 'Cosmic," "Zodiac," and "Poison," from a designer nicknamed "Witchy," you get the idea: you're not in Tiffany's anymore, Dorothy,and why would you ever want to go back? Service is charmingly British and reserved, and browsing is welcomed amidst the plush, shadowy, glittering interior. The jewels, impeccably stationed in shadowboxes and velveteen displays, are not priced… all the better to sustain the dream until the end of Side 2. Shine on, you crazy diamond.

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Shopping • Upper East Side (Lower)

Le Break-Dancing

In France, the suburbs are not the house-with-picket-fence idylls that they are in North America. Instead, they are locales of social marginalization. While many want to ignore these troubled areas, French photographer Denis Darzacq did just the opposite--he went and confronted the kids who lived there directly, getting to know them personally and documenting them honestly. In the photo series The Fall, on view at the gallery of the Alliance Francaise, Darzacq gives these teens from the outskirts of Paris a chance to be represented, and said representation is visually striking. Caught in midair, these figures of break-dance culture are seen in incredibly acrobatic positions of suspension just above the asphalt. Darzacq used real dancers from the streets--and to match the realism of his subjects, he went old school in technique too. Though it tends to elicit disbelief, there is no digital enhancement or manipulation of the images. Yup, these shots are taken with a manual camera (remember that old-timey objet?) and are completely undoctored. Vive le realisme (and incredibly high shutter speed). Only on display till November 20th!

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Schools , Theaters-Performing Arts Centers • Upper East Side (Lower)

ER for Dolls

Fashionable superficiality juxtaposed with plain know-how. That’s a dichotomy of the Upper East Side, depending on your point of view. The New York Doll Hospital fits into the latter category. Located between 61st and 62nd amidst luxury shops, the hospital is exactly what it sounds like. Over the last 107 years, people have come from all over the world to fix or appraise any type of contemporary or antique doll. One patient predated Tutankhamen, and many of the spare parts look 19th century. But despite what must be numerous wealthy clientele, the New York Doll Hospital is, well, dilapidated and ugly. With doll parts lying all around and the peeling paint on the tin ceiling, the space looks like the Mongols just ransacked, sans disembowelment, and left five alive to warn the next town over. The proprietor isn’t quite a Mongol, but he is from the generation of New Yorkers that manages to apply a morose tone to every sentence uttered. Get him talking, and he’ll grunt, tell you that he does what he does, and get annoyed when you misunderstand where the business cards are located. It’s worth a look for the entertainment value, even without a mini-patient.

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Shopping • Upper East Side (Lower)

"Do I Hear 75 Million"

Auctions at Sotheby’s can be a free activity. There are no admissions fees. You just show up. If you have specific interests, go to the website for the schedule. There you can browse online auction catalogs for free or, if you’re feeling flush, you can purchase one for around $60. But there’s no need to be so organized. Items to be auctioned are on display. A stroll through the galleries is an excellent opportunity to see great art that is rarely outside of private homes, such as Picassos that you’ve never seen before and will likely never see again. Yet in spite of the money that flows through the house, there is some surprising modesty. Bidders aren’t perfectly dressed and coiffed as one would expect. And one telephone bidder asked gingerly if Sotheby’s would accept an increase in bid from $55,000 to $58,000. (I wonder where the extra $2,000 will go.) Also worth a look is the diamond collection. Sotheby’s jewelry isn’t auctioned off, but ladies, if you’ve lost interest in your boyfriend, demand a very large rock. That’ll scare him off.

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Art Galleries , Landmarks • Upper East Side (Lower)

JG Melon's Burgers

It seems like a new burger joint opens in Manhattan every other week accompanied by inevitable, overblown hype. Then, you never hear anything about the place again. It either ends up dying and going to burger heaven (pun intended) or coasting on its dependable mediocrity, relying on the numbed palettes of drunken club kids. J.G. Melon is not that kind of place. Its grill, constantly sizzling, has had years of seasoning and its patrons don’t mind jumbling up around the bar—three and four deep—waiting for that same guy to yell their last name (the one they put on the waiting list 45 minutes ago). Yep. Their burgers are that good.

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Restaurants • Upper East Side (Lower)

Candle Cafe

We all live together in relative harmony on this tiny, overcrowded island—graffiti artists, computer dorks, neurotics, exhibitionists, alcoholics, evangelists, saints, sinners, yogis, potheads, cops, nuns, dominitrixes, and occasionally…even vegetarians and carnivores can co-exist peacefully. The most obvious (and ironic) example of this is on the Upper East Side, where a very popular and delicious vegetarian restaurant sits right next to a French bistro called Le Steak. I like the way the Candle Café’s flag kind of rests up against the awning of Le Steak, as if to say—“Can’t we just all get along?”

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Restaurants • Upper East Side (Lower)

Parisian-Style Chimneys

I am a two-timer. I love New York—but I’m also in love with Paris. New York’s skyscrapers (and those amazing views from within them) can’t be beat. But everything in Paris somehow looks beautiful—people that don’t comb their hair, rumpled suits, bathroom tile, dreary cloudy days…even the trash! And I am absolutely enamored of Paris chimneys—those rusty, antennae-like appendages that point skyward from romantic, cast iron-clad buildings. The first things I look for when I’m in Paris are those chimneys. It’s how I know I’m there. And I always miss them when I leave. That’s why I was so excited to find a building here in Manhattan that happens to have Parisian-style chimneys jutting out from its roof. Combined with the block’s antique architecture, ivy climbing up the facade, and the tree limbs that frame the view, these Parisian-style chimneys in New York have become one of my very favorite city oddities.

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Landmarks • Upper East Side (Lower)

Two Little Red Hens Bakery

Several years ago when the venerable Yorkville bakery, Big Apple Strudel, went out of business, neighbors wondered if what came next could possibly fill the void. Not only has Two Little Red Hens bakery answered the call for the coffee thirsty and scone hungry crowds, but it has added even more character to the neighborhood. The small, cozy space, with exposed brick walls and lots of kitschy hen and rooster memorabilia, is like a home away from home. Sit among cases filled with decadent cakes, themed cupcakes, fruit-filled pies, spicy gingerbread slices, giant scones, hearty muffins, and frosted cookies— and see neighbors chatting with each other, smiling faces, and staff members that know all the cookie-eating kids by name. Being here makes all that’s wrong with the world seem far far away (if only for as long as you’re chomping on that cupcake). Be sure to check out the ever-changing window displays—they rotate with the seasons and holidays and have a comforting small-town America feel. We might not want to live in the 1950’s…but it sure is a nice place to visit…and Two Little Red Hens is like a bakery version of yesteryear’s soda fountain.

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Coffee , Shopping • Upper East Side (Lower)

John Scarseth of Artistic Shoe Repair

Not many shoemakers are skilled enough to look at your foot where a shoe has caused a blister and fix it so that it never happens again. With the change of season and a change of shoes, we’re in for a sore reminder that our feet aren’t used to the oxfords, booties, and closed-toe platforms that sat in our closets all summer. Shoemaker John Scarseth of Artistic Shoe Repair on the Upper East Side understands this better than practically anyone. He’s been repairing shoes in the neighborhood for over 25 years and has earned a sizeable following. I’ve been bringing my shoes to him for over eight years, and I’ve been repeatedly amazed with the results. He’s done complicated repairs on my beloved vintage ‘60s go-go boots, softened the knife-like edges on my bright orange platform sandals, stretched the killer boots I bought in Paris that were causing my little toes to bleed, and inserted heel pads in my ballet flats, eliminating excruciating heel friction and blisters. Repairs are done quickly. If you bring a pair of shoes in the morning, it will often be ready by the evening—or the next day at the very latest.

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Shopping • Upper East Side (Lower)

J. Leon Lascoff & Son Apothecaries

In the corporate, fluorescent-lit world that is the modern day pharmacy, it’s hard to believe that there was life before unruly queues, scowling cashiers, and brutal barks of “Next!” to summon waiting customers. Charming. Saunter into the airy, vaulted, cathedral-like space of J. Leon Lascoff & Sons Apothecaries (in business since 1899) and step back in time to an era when pharmaceuticals meant personalized service, intricately designed apothecary jars on antique wooden cabinets, and a holy fragrance of medicinal magic perfuming the air. This is where Salvador Dali once purchased several pharmaceutical leeches to use as models for a painting he was working on. It is also home to a huge glass jar of dead insects, once used for prescriptions of “Spanish fly” (an old-fashioned Viagra of sorts). The balcony-railed 2nd floor and the street-level display window along East 82nd Street are full of old newspaper and magazine articles, mortar and pestle sets, and photos of the staff over the years—memorabilia that offers a wonderful glimpse into the history of the pharmacy as well as the neighborhood. What a jewel.

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Landmarks , Shopping • Upper East Side (Lower)

Antonucci

Uptown-averse naysayers love to repeatedly hammer in the myth that the Upper East Side has no cool, laid-back restaurants. They paint a picture of the mulah-monikered “Silk Stocking District” as a place reserved solely for long, blonde flat-ironed hair, twin set-clad ta-ta’s, and collagen-enhanced kissers that only ingest miniscule portions of fat-free foie gras, diet sashimi slivers, and martinis shaken with ice made from Evian water. Not so. Antonucci is one of a handful of cool, new restaurants to open on the UES over the last several months (including Café D’Alsace and Sfoglia). This definitely isn’t another generic, UES Italian restaurant doling out mediocre family-style portions for drunken New Jersey yuppies. The menu is sophisticated and modern—for example, there are only 2 pastas offered. Other choices include beef short ribs, salt-baked Branzino, and braised lamb shank. Appetizers are refreshingly inventive like the deliciously unique sautéed (not fried!) calamari with peppers, arugula, and pistachio sauce. At lunch, the place is wonderfully empty. But by dinner, the secret is out. Come savor a delicious meal in a sophisticated, but low-key atmosphere free of the too hip, holier-than-thou attitude that often mars the mellowness in some of the downtown joints of the same caliber.

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Restaurants • Upper East Side (Lower)

St. Mary’s Residence

You haven’t lived until you’ve shared your refrigerator with 16 other people. Until you’ve put your brand new carton of unopened orange juice in the fridge, only to find it empty and written on with smeared red lipstick the next morning. Until you’ve watched the self-proclaimed “psychology professor,” perpetually clad in scrubs, drinking wine in a plastic cup while talking to a cardboard box containing her friend’s ashes. Until the new “girl” with the big Adam’s apple, unusually deep voice, and thick layers of make-up leaves a bottle of perfume outside your door for no reason. Sound a little like Bellevue? Well, despite the similarities, it isn’t! It all happened at St. Mary’s Residence, a female-only residence run by nuns where I lived from July 1998 to August 1999. So next time you’re on East 72nd Street (b/w 2nd and 3rd Aves) and you see that seemingly quiet building decorated with a stone Virgin Mary and topped with a large cross—you’ll know that it’s home for, by far, some of the most eccentric women in the city. Too bad they don’t give tours.

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Landmarks • Upper East Side (Lower)

Breakfast at Tiffany’s Townhouse

You’ve been out all night, it’s dawn, and you find yourself in midtown still clad in your fancy black dress and jeweled necklace. Where do you go? To Tiffany’s, of course! So what if they’re not open and their famous revolving door ain’t spinning. Grab a flaky pastry from the corner cart and nosh while peering into the dazzling windows. If this sounds familiar, then you’ve passed the test. You, my friend, are a real New Yorker! (If not, you might want to consider brushing up on classic moments in New York-centric cinema). Yes, I was describing the famous opening scene from the 1961 film Breakfast at Tiffany’s starring Audrey Hepburn as Holly Golightly. Sure, everyone knows where Tiffany’s is—but how about the townhouse where Holly lived (and where all the exterior apartment shots were filmed)? The famous green and white striped awnings that adorned the townhouse in the film are no longer—but the creamy white stone and gorgeously arched front door remain. Check it out for yourself! (But gawkers beware…it’s a private residence, so please be courteous. Snap a photo and move on.)

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Landmarks • Upper East Side (Lower)

St Stephen’s Greenmarket

Upper East Siders who’ve begrudgingly paid $9.99 per pound for decent tomatoes can save a few bucks at two new neighborhood Greenmarkets. Schlep your squeaky granny cart (or your $1200 stroller) to the stands and load up on apples, rhubarb, lettuce, cherries, goat cheese, herbs, and organic baked goods. All items are grown (or made) by local farmers and prices tend to hover below the haute couture digits charged by UES brick and mortar joints. Come early for the tomatoes, which get snatched up by savvy shoppers in a flash. Then, go home and prepare a great plate of greenmarket grub—like roasted heirloom zucchini and tomatoes with chives and watermelon with goat cheese and basil. Pssst—there’s some buzz about bringing in folks from local vineyards to sell their good, so be on the lookout for regional wines sometime in the near future. The market will operate weekly until November.

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Farmers Markets • Upper East Side (Lower)

The Jeffersons High-rise

After years of dragging myself up four freakin’ flights of breakneck stairways to get to my apartment, I finally moved to a building that had an elevator (We’re movin’ on up! Movin’ on up!). “Golly gee willikers, this sure is fain-cy!” I exclaimed to the other passengers in the elevator who pretended not to hear me. But the elevator was only the beginning—there was also a VIEW (of something other than a brick wall)! And that fugly building across the way with the bizarre bricked-in center windows and saucer-like balconies that no one ever steps foot on, looked awfully familiar. In fact, I remember it from my TV rerun-filled childhood in Texas. Yep, that’s right! It’s the high-rise that The Jeffersons “moved on up” to on TV—that dee-luxe apartment in the sky-hi-hi! Check it out for yourself at 85th and Third Avenue. Stand in the circular driveway and gaze straight up like George and Weezy did during the opening credits. And remember…fish don’t fry in the kitchen and beans don’t burn on the grill!

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Landmarks • Upper East Side (Lower)

Subway Inn

Dark, dirty, and dim amidst the sparkle of Midtown Manhattan, this is the dive bar to end all dive bars. They also have one of the most glorious neon signs in all of New York. At 4 pm when we arrived, the place was already bustling. With Al Green and Jimi Hendrix playing on the juke, and the patron next to us swooning along to the tunes, it was hard not to love this place. Extra dive bar bonus points--no paper towels, soap, or even a soap dispenser anywhere to be found in the restroom.

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Nightlife • Upper East Side (Lower)

The Frick Collection

Regular admission to the Frick Collection is a hefty fifteen dollars, but for two Sunday hours (11 am-1 pm)—the two most perfect hours to be in the Frick—admission is pay-what-you-wish. Once a grand home, the space is comfortingly close as a museum. The collection is small and exceedingly eclectic, determined only by what Jacob Frick liked and decided to buy. This variety lends a personal feel to the museum. Of course, not all possibilities are represented—Jacob Frick died in 1919, and his collection suggests a moment when Degas was cutting edge. But the Frick collection is not about seeing the next big thing. It is about the courtyard fountain, the tasseled sofas (some of which can be sat upon), the carpets, and the doorways. Most of all, it is about the pause before a Rembrandt or Vermeer, when for a few moments, it is seen as a beautiful work of art, not just a museum piece.

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Landmarks , Museums • Upper East Side (Lower)

Hungarian House - Folk Dance Fridays

Friday nights at the Hungarian House, the box office is a card table. The cashier is a gray-haired woman who sets the bills in front of her as they flutter in the draft from the front door. The concession stand sells stuffed cabbage, cakes, cups of coffee, and bottles of beer to help folks get in the dancing mood. In the dimly lit main hall, chairs are shuffled and lifted as friends move to sit by each other. There is a small cheer when the music begins—a lurching Bohemian rhythm which is nearly impossible not to clap to. The band plays for about half an hour, and then the leader gives the word and the audience scuttles their seats back against the wall. Most dances are group endeavors in which all participants link hands to walk in circles to specified rhythms. There are also dances for couples that give friends and lovers a chance to hold one another arm in arm. Every third Friday there is a live band, every fourth Friday is a family dance, and every week old and young people gather to have a grand old time.

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Nightlife • Upper East Side (Lower)