Philadelphia

Smokity Smoke

Do you like smoking? The Dive is a bar where you can smoke. The clientele is pleasant, a combination of regulars and the hip folks, and many of them smoke cigarettes. Want to buy food? Psh! This is a smoking bar, son--less than 20% of their annual sales can be in eats. Don't think that the Dive is going to leave you hungry, though--that's free pizza in the corner. Sometimes the bar has events--DJ nights, fiction readings, etc. At all of these events, people smoke. I don't want you to think that I'm trashing the Dive just because there are usually more cigarettes in the place than people: the beer selection is good and cheap, and the atmosphere is down-to-earth and friendly. But when most bars in the city don't allow smoking, the ones that do tend to be defined by that, whether it's something you like or you not. Smoke smokity smoke smoke.

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Nightlife • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Cold Treats for a Hot City

When you Google "Phileo," two things come up on the first page: links to South Street's frozen yogurt joint, and links to Bible studies sites that explain that the word "phileo" is a Greek word meaning "a friendship kind of love" (not "a combination of the words 'Philadelphia' and 'yogurt.'") The Bible studies sites also discuss "agape," a divine and unconditional love. None of my cursory skims of the Bible sites include the word for "put it in my mouth" love. Philadelphia's answer to the Pinkberry trend (down to a similar green-and-pink color scheme), Phileo offers a wide variety of tart and sweet self-serve frozen yogurts, from classics like vanilla and chocolate to zippy lychee and cool green tea. Then come the toppings--including fruit, coconut, chocolate AND carob chips--and finally the weighing, because that's right buddy: you are paying by the ounce. But dammit, don't think I'm "hating" on the place--as much as I hate paying that much, as the days hover close to 90 degrees, a cup of Phileo (say, a mix of vanilla and tart peach...?) can be worth it.

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Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Rough

As you walk in the door, the metallic glare off of the copper-topped tables makes you feel like you've stepped into a sepia-toned photo. Once my eyes adjusted, I set my sights on the mini grilled cheese sandwiches floating in a bowl of tomato soup. The service needed some adjusting as I had only taken a few bites of my soup before my entree was served, but the lobster macaroni and cheese was so good that I didn't mind. For my dining entertainment, the table beside me was carefully navigating through their first date; at least they had picked well in choosing comfort food to accompany the rough waters.

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Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Take A Chance

Winter is the season to overindulge! Maybe you hunker down all February to play some excessively-competitive Scrabble with the family. Or perhaps your neighbor is hosting a booze-fueled open house to warm everyone up. Whatever the case, you don't want to show up empty-handed. Money tight? Don't despair. You can always buy that special relative/neighbor/coworker/friend those silver-plated monkey salt and pepper shakers next year. This year, stand apart from the rest of the crowd who arrived bearing a generic bottle of vino. Show up with a platter of Termini Brothers cookies and canolis, sit back, and enjoy watching the baked goods fly off the tray. If a picture is worth a thousand words, the taste of a Termini treat is worth a million. Made fresh and with natural ingredients, even people who say they don't like sweets will have a tough time refraining. If you're Grinching it up and avoiding all things festive this winter, go buy yourself a box of Termini cookies, put on your roomiest sweat pants, and park it on the couch for a few hours. Mmmmmm.

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Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Bread If You Like Bread

At Sarcone's, their motto is: "It's all about the bread." Order any of their hoagies, and you'll see why. Seriously, this place is a carb-lover's dream. As I devoured one of Sarcone's "Ultimate Veggie" hoagies, my face was dripping with gooey goodness. The only drawback here was the hot peppers, which were spicy enough to bring tears to my eyes. Thank goodness I had lots of fluffy bread to soak up some of the hotness. Although the inside of this hoagie heaven is best suited for take-out, two tiny tables are perched outside in case you want to brave the chilly air. So, forego your Adkins or whatever low-carb, no-carb bullshit diet you're trying and head to the place that received the "Best of Philly 2008" award. Just go easy on the hot peppers.

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Shopping • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Remember Remember the 7th of February

The economy's got everybody down. Long gone are the days of reckless take-out from Buddakan. Say hello to your old friend Miller Light and kiss those fridges stocked with micro brews goodbye. And forget about those weekend sojourns to Delilah’s--go-go bars and strip clubs will probably put a major dent in your wallet. On the flip side, subscribing to Cinemax for some late-night titillation might be more affordable, but it’s so anti-social. So, what’s a fella to do in these tough times? Get your fix of cheap thrills and cheap drinks at Vesuvio on Feburary 7th, where you can soak in a good old-fashioned oil wrestling tournament. There will be enough scantily clad, oil-slicked ladies to make you feel like you’re starring in a rap video. And $2 PBR beers will make you feel like a financially savvy individual who can afford to eat more than just Ramen noodles for the rest of the week.

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Nightlife , Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Best Days=Weekdays

While there are many scrumptious cafes in Philly, nothing compares to Sabrina's. First of all, the cozy atmosphere is as welcoming as your relative's house around the holidays, minus your drunk and belligerent uncle Eddie. As Ella Fitzgerald plays softly in the background, you realize that figuring out what to order is more difficult than a teenage girl choosing a prom dress. All of the items look so darn tasty! If you absolutely love bread (and really, how couldn't you?) then I recommend the "Stuffed Caramelized Challah French Toast." This enormous meal is topped with bananas and vanilla bean syrup and smashed together with heaping amounts of cream cheese. If you can eat the entire thing in one sitting, you are my hero. Since I know you can't wait to try this place out, I must advise you to do so on a weekday, especially if you’re one of those people like me, who tends to eat alone and avoid happy couples brunching on the weekends. Ick.

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Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Earn it

Their hoagie rolls are famous throughout the city, but their hoagie fixins don't get the credit they deserve outside the South Philly 'hood. Order a medium or up and your hoagie will be hugged by the painfully crunchy sesame seed rolls (smalls aren't respected). Being the talk of the Italian market doesn't come easy; only the best ingredients, sharp chunks of hard provolone, the spiciest of Geneva salami and HOT red and yellow peppers adorn almost every sandwich. Sides include olives overstuffed with garlic, prosciutto or red pepper.

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Shopping • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Take-Out Beer on South Street

Let me begin with what I hope will become a classic Philadelphia blessing: "Proud and weary citizens of Philadelphia/May you never find your car overturned in a sports riot/May you eat well, and often/And may you never, ever find yourself on South Street." Okay, okay, I know: South Street has its uses. Pearl is a great art store, the TLA (sometimes) and the Philly Improv Theater (quite often) have good shows, and the clearance area at Bare Feet Shoes has good finds (if you can get back there). But when I think about free-time activities I enjoy, 'forcing my way through gaggles of New Jersey teenagers' is last on my list. Still, sometimes the best of us find ourselves on South Street, and sometimes we have needs: drinking. Specifically: grabbing a six pack. Thus I recommend to you Woolly Mammoth, which has a lovely selection of bottled beers and will gladly mix them into a take-out six-pack for you. I don't necessarily recommend drinking here--every time I've gone, the music has been astonishingly loud, and Tattooed Mom's is right up the street--but let them fill all of your brown-bagging needs.

 

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Steal This Show

Citizens of Philadelphia: There comes a time in each and every one of our lives when we have to make a choice to stand up to the injustice of boredom, or else waste away at home alone on a Friday night. It is not always an easy choice to make--the nights are long and cold now, and the blankets on our beds are warm and inviting. But do not go gentle into that good sleep! No, instead, stand up for all that is decent and funny at the new bimonthly comedy evening Steal This Show (starting November 28). Combining the best in local comedy, mariachi (and other) music, and slight anarchy, Steal This Show looks to be an upstanding addition to Philadelphia's comedy scene. Hosted by the revolutionary pillar of manhood known as Corey Cohen (who is also a member of the sketch troupe The Sixth Borough), and taking place at the recently reopened BYO palace Connie's Ric Rac, Steal This Show promises to do all it can to fight boredom in our city--all it needs is your help.

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Nightlife • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Bitter Sandwichmakers

Although everyone knows THE sign that clearly demands that customers order in English, my friend thought it would be a good idea to try out his French. Perhaps this genius idea was padded by the extra hour of drinking tolerated just one night a year on the eve of daylight savings. I thought the self-proclaimed owner was going to break through the window and strangle my friend as he barked, "well buddy, when you order in another language, I can't guarantee what you're going to get." He then proceeded to direct the making of another kind of sandwich, which my friend quickly refuted in English. Later, my friend later asked me if I wanted a bit, but I declined. I was sure that his had to be flavored by a "special sauce."

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Cheesesteaks , Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

All Italia

Over 100 years of tradition packed into a little section of 9th street; the Italian Market really needs no introduction. No bells and whistles; I give you the facts: Di Bruno Bros. Cheese, with cheese wheels the size of a large toddler; Sarcone's Deli, the most sought-after bread in the city; fresh meats-hanging-from-the-ceiling at Esposito's; Isgro Pateries, with wafting, sweet smelling scents that seduce market patrons for blocks; and Anthony's Italian Coffee House specializing in eye-opening espresso. The market is, hands down, the best reason to pull yourself out of bed on a Saturday or Sunday morning.

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Landmarks • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Froth Will Warm You

A trip to the Italian Market isn't complete without a cup of joe from Anthony's. In fact, don't just settle for plain coffee when you're here because the lattes are just too mouth-watering to pass up. Depending on the season, Anthony's offers a variety of warm espresso beverages, with names similar to those you would find at any old Starbucks--only Anthony's drinks actually live up to the names. That pumpkin spice latte will actually taste like pumpkin while simultaneously making you feel like you're on a hay ride out in the 'burbs. As the froth hovers close to the rim of your warm mug, you might even temporarily forget that it's cold as shit outside. If the coffee isn't enough to warm your bones, walk a few steps down the block and you'll find Anthony's Chocolate House. We all know chocolate can cure anything, even bitter Philly days.

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Coffee • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Why Am I Not Famous?!?

At this point it's a little ironic that the name of Kent Haines' show is "Why Am I Not Famous?!?" As the winner of the 2008 Philadelphia's Phunniest Person competition and the star of the web-TV series "That Guy," Kent's about as famous as a comedian can get in Philly. But "Why Am I Not Famous?!" isn't just a name. Oh, no. On the Wednesday of the first full week of the month at 10 pm, Kent details why he thinks he should be famous, and then he brings in fantastic music and comedy guests to show how, in comparison, he is much more talented. The cheesy and obvious end to this write-up would be that when you're done with the show, you'll wonder why Kent isn't well-known. But Kent is so good at picking guests, you'll wonder why everybody up on that stage isn't famous. Yet.

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Theaters-Performing Arts Centers • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Strictly Scaly

Finally, a restaurant that takes specialization to heart and does it with perfection. Offering strictly scaly fair, this is not a viable dinner option if you're in the mood for something "moo-ing". The menu changes daily, and your server will probably orate each dinner choice to you since he probably didn't feel like writing them down for everyone at the table to read. It makes you feel like you are back in time before the invention of the printing press. I strongly discourage repeat ordering among your dining party as all dishes are beautifully prepared and worth sharing a taste. As you take in the surroundings of marine blue, you can't help but think of that tetchy crab, Sebastian singing Under the Sea. This is both a perfect date spot and a BYO; so don't diminish your chances of scoring by being unprepared. Perhaps you'll hit the jackpot and be able to order oysters!

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Restaurants • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Get Up a Git Down: James Brown’s B-Day

SoulPurl77 is not just an art gallery sandwiched between Genos and walking tourists of the Italian Market; what we've got here is a budding community art space that sells you art you can afford that reinvents hot shit from the past. And yes, there is free beer. For a suggested donation of five bucks for the GIT UP'A GIT DOWN James Brown dance party, you get: free Philadelphia Brewing Company beer, free funky giveaways from Mixtapes Bring Smiles, and all the Doing It To Death Hot Pants dancin' jams you can funk out to 'til 2am. Mind not to dance too closely to the walls sporting new SoulPurl artwork, and don't get up offa that thing without a screenprinted James Brown sweatrag. Git down.

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Art Galleries , Events • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Street Magician

Want to see a man turn a Bic lighter into a cigarette? Me, neither. But that’s precisely the kind of trick you’ll witness when you join the sizable neck-craning crowd that gathers every weekend to watch the magician in the alley next to the Imagine store on South Street. David Blaine he ain’t. I’ve seen this guy a million times, performing random acts of the unexplained as gaping natives coo and loiter in delight at the man’s special brand of street magic. But I’ve never stuck around for more than a few seconds because he kind of creeps me out, much in the same way that male strippers do. Maybe it’s the wearing-a-vest-with-no-shirt-underneath-it thing. Or maybe it’s because I can’t figure out if he’s homeless and this is his money-making schtick or if he’s just an old dude whose weekend hobby happens to earn him a little loose change. At any rate, maybe one day he’ll tell the crowd the secret behind his most astonishing trick: how he got his skin to take on the appearance of leather.

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Landmarks • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Fillmore at the TLA

If there’s one arena in which Philadelphia excels (other than cheesesteak production and consumption), it’s gotta be in providing an abundance of stellar music venues. The Tower is great, but it sometimes feels odd to have a formal seat at a small concert. The Electric Factory is cool in theory, but the acoustics are inconsistent from show to show. The Fillmore at the TLA is one of my favorite places in the city to see a live performance. Holding just over 1,200 people, it’s an intimate place to discover emerging artists or support the struggling ones who can’t fill a stadium. With the upstairs semi-recently renovated, there’s plenty of room to hang out by the back bar and still have a perfect view of the stage. While standing room only might not sound like a lot of fun for a comedy show, the TLA has managed to score some primo comedy acts recently, such as the so-funny-I-actually-snorted-while-laughing Comedians of Comedy tour. With its primo South Street location, don’t be surprised to see the show’s headliners grabbing a brew at one of the bars down the street after the show.

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Nightlife , Theaters-Performing Arts Centers • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Eye's Gallery

Zombie, Evil Dead, and Dellamorte Dellamore are required viewing if you want to get to know me. These films may help explain my love for some of the Day of the Dead art found at the Eye's Gallery on South Street. A diorama of skeletons at the dentist office? Sign me up! In addition to brightly-colored (and reasonably priced ) tchotchke from the "Dias de los Muertos," you can find folk art, instruments, and more eye-candy per square inch then anywhere else on the formerly eclectic South Street. Looking for a gift? You're bound to find something in this multi-storey affair, even if your pal is not so interested in skulls and death art. The place acts as a museum where all is on sale. Still, as always, I'm hung up on the death art. To quote Ken Foree in Dawn of the Dead, "When there's no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth." If they're this colorful and fun, what's the problem!?

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Art Galleries • Bella Vista / Queen Village

Masquerade

Those big Halloween Adventures stores that crop up like wildfire this time of year are more often then not sad affairs. They eventually become rundown messes closer to Halloween and you're lucky to get your hands on that "Velvet Pimp" costume in your size to amuse all of your drinking buddies. But they serve their purpose, littering most uninspired parties with Captain Condoms, and Sexy "Insert Female Profession Here.” This is why Masquerade is a prize for our city. Basically a Wal-Mart of costuming, it serves a great purpose— giving all the basics at low cost. This way you can piece together whoever you want to be through wigs, make-up and other elements. They've got your packaged shit too and this wide appeal will cause lines to form outside closer to the big day, but it's worth it. It's year round as well, in case you need to dress up your kinky girl as a sexy nurse just for the hell of it, need holiday specific costumes, or are a part of an outstanding sketch comedy duo and just need wigs for your skits. Just take it from me; if you're buying the velvet pimp, the sketch isn't any good.

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Shopping • Bella Vista / Queen Village