Seattle

Dress Your Own Wiener

I'd actually been craving a hot dog for quite some time. With so much build up, my first trip to Po Dogs was either going to be deeply satisfying or profoundly disappointing. I'm pleased to report that my Po Dog completely hit the spot. You're going to shell out a few more bucks than you would at a standard hot dog cart, but these are not your standard hot dogs. Not by a long shot. Toasted brioche buns add a bit of sweet decadence to each gourmet dog. And their unique selection of specialty dogs is outstanding. Among the wacky offerings is the Deep Fried Danger Dog (bacon wrapped and deep fried), the Wasabi Egg roll Dog (wrapped and fried in an egg roll, smothered in wasabi aioli), the weirdly successful PB Dog (Elvis-approved peanut butter and bananas). Along with an outstanding veggie dog and the opportunity to "dress your own wiener," there's just no way won't find the dog of your dreams. Complete your meal with house-made chips or fries and wash it all down with a brew from the cooler. Best of all, you will leave fully satisfied, if somewhat jealous of their badass six-shooter wallpaper.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Mess-a

Maybe the space is cursed. Meza occupies what was once vegan nightmare, the Globe. Now it's a tapas restaurant. Unfortunately, though the prices are reasonable (for tapas) and menu sounds promising, it's just not that good. The sangria is only passable. The tortilla portions are so small that the waiter admitted they should be giving them away (and then, kindly, he did just that). The food is incredibly bland and uninspired. At $12, the Vegetales is nothing more than a glorified salad; a disappointing one at that. The corn cakes in the Arepitas resemble over-sized Communion wafers from both a visual and textural standpoint. I had to ask for a dish of salt to make it palatable. In fact, you're going to need that dish of salt for pretty much everything you order. The only thing that works out is the Morrocoy Bocadillo (pulled pork sandwich). But there's no shortage of good pulled pork in this town. You might as well patronize a place that also does other dishes well. It didn't help our experience that the waiter took every opportunity to bad-mouth the food. Unfortunately, he was right about everything. Sorry Meza, but you're kind of a mess-a.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Speak Easy

In true speakeasy fashion, you have to know about it to get in. The door is locked from the inside so if you were just wandering, you'd think the place closed. But if you ring the doorbell, a friendly chap answers, welcoming you inside and handing you a large menu full of old timey cocktails, mostly involving gin. Every day, they craft a new punch and serve up cups for $3 during happy hour. The beer selection is small (and includes currant cider), but people don't come to a speakeasy for beer. They come for the hooch. Soak up all those bathtub libations with a little nosh. The chow selection is small but more than sufficient, including lamb sliders, spicy mac and cheese, hot dogs and a crustini and cheese plate with pear butter. Oh, and don't forget to obey the rules or you'll be eighty-sixed. No cell phones, pictures, or standing. It's for your own good, pops. There will never be more people than there are chairs. That means you will always be able to use hushed tones to plot with your cohorts. Chin chin.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

That's Not Amore

The beautifully decorated converted warehouse in which La Spiga resides, with its exposed beams and romantic lighting, will certainly make you think you’re in for a good meal. Depending on what you order, maybe you are. You may also be hugely disappointed. Either way, you'll be paying out the nose. Around the time you're ready to eat your own face, they'll bring you some complimentary flat bread which is conveniently dry enough to persuade you to shell out an additional $4 (per condiment) for some olive oil and balsamic. Considering the price of an entree, these things should also be free. The Caprese salad, with its buttery fresh mozzarella and white balsamic, is delicious so long as you can score a little salt and pepper. They'll try to talk you into the $35/person tasting menu, boasting its value. But it will be way more food than you need. Many of the pastas are decent, including the Gnocchi, but steer clear of the Tortelli Spinaci which tastes like it was boiled fresh from the freezer and plopped unseasoned onto your plate. Desserts are slightly less of a mixed bag but the Tortufu is basically just an $8 bowl of ice cream.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Hoe Down, Chow Down

If you feel like delving into the sassy side of ballroom dance: Swing, Salsa, Tango or Lindy Hop, consider the class offerings at Century Ballroom. Dance styles are structured in small multi-week series, organized by level anyone is welcome to start at Level One and work their way up. The studio keeps classes balanced by tracking registrants and making sure there will be an equal number of leads (gentlemen) and follows (ladies), so even if you come solo, everyone has a partner and can learn their part. Lessons are held in the big and open Century Ballroom dance space on the second floor of the Odd Fellows Building in Capitol Hill. Directly across the hall is newly opened Tin Table restaurant--studio owner Hallie Kuperman's latest business venture--which looks to be well worth checking out.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

How the Other Pictures Play

It's not that I don't want to throw twenty bucks away watching the latest Jennifer Aniston flick. I can't get enough of what she's not wearing in GQ and what she did or didn't say about Angelina Jolie. But sometimes I like to exhibit at least the semblance of highbrow sophistication and support the arts locally. Thinking I'd stumbled on a yearlong porno fest, I bought my $69 pass for the 69 series. I was sorely disappointed to find it was actually a series of films (fourteen currently scheduled) released in 1969 that the folks at NW Film Forum think epitomize everything 1969 represents in US and International History. I noticed a few foreign films on the list, so I'm at least hoping for a nipple or two; if that fails, I've always got Jennifer Aniston.

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Movie Theaters • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Art of the Dive

It's kind of dirty and falling apart. Even though they supposedly remodeled the infamous bathrooms, I can't really tell what they did other than paint. There was a head-sized hole in the wall for a while. But for some reason, every time I go to this place, I have a blast. The occasionally Irish, but mostly punk music selection keeps everyone jaunty. The amusing graffiti in the bathroom distracts you from the grossness. You can turn a hole in the wall into a hilarious photo shoot starring your drunken friends. There's also plenty to do besides make hard lemonade out of bruised lemons. They've got darts, pool and a shiny new shuffleboard table. On Trivia Tuesdays, turn your useless pop culture knowledge into cash and drinking-related prizes. If you get hungry, well, they can't help you there. But they don't care if you bring in your own grub from nearby taco, pizza or chicken and jojo vendors. You'll have a lot of fun without dropping a lot of cash (unless, of course, you get so drunk that you drop your cash). Seems like a clever business model to me.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Not A Sex Shop

It's a "hole" because it's dark and warm. The "honey" part comes from the retardedly delicious sandwiches and drinks. Both the veggie and regular BLTs will satiate that persistent bacon craving. A series of Hollywood monikered sammies feature the meats you love uniquely complimented by the perfect cheeses, veggies, and condiments. No less than 3 of them involve honey roasted ham. You can choose to go hot or cold. It doesn't really matter. Almost everything is heaven between two slices of bread. The only thing I don't recommend is the too-literally named Dirt Burger. Nothing helps wash away a bad day at work than a Honey Hole happy hour. $3 pints and $3.50 fresh juice wells are the ideal accompaniment for your comfort food. It's time to relax under the warmth of red lighting in a cushy booth and pack on the winter calories and this is the place for it. They have also have pizzas and stuff but trust me, you're gonna want the sandwich. No, it's not a sex shop, but if you've ever considered a carnal relationship with your sandwich, it would probably be one from the Honey Hole.

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Nightlife , Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Threatening Politesse

This poorly named spot never seems too busy and the exterior is uninviting. If it wasn't for an odd Saturday afternoon, where everything in the area seemed to be closed, I don't think we'd ever have stopped here. The sushi and sashimi were tasty and modestly priced. Some of the fish was a bit tough, the nigiri rice a little soggy, but I've become rather picky. We were greeted and served by an almost too polite, older lady. That kind of excessive courtesy that is almost threatening. "If everything goes smoothly, we will all be very happy. But fuck with me, and you will regret it." Fortunately I did not have to test the lady's polished steel will. We ate our sushi hungrily, while random passersby ogled at us through the large window. Perhaps they were surprised to see people actually inside.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Check Yourself

This restaurant/club used to be a mortuary chapel. If that does something for you, then you're indiscriminately susceptible to cheap publicity. The space is interesting. What they've done with it: hardly so. We came here on a late Saturday night and the place was barely half full. The DJ was playing an uninventive mix of tech and hard house, but no one looked interested in dancing anyway. Horny guys at the bar, bored girls at the tables and little interaction between the camps. The wall beside the dance floor is covered with mirrors, giving the place a nice illusion of space. You can check yourself out while busting moves and making out with your roommate's kind of hot, but really drunk friend. I would probably think the place was great and want to go back if I had done plenty of drugs. And there were more people. But I don't pop pills and the crowd was thin. Thus, I give you my sober conclusion: it's just another dark and loud club with overpriced decor. But if you're with a group of drunk friends, stumbling around Capitol Hill, maybe stick this one on your list. Do a shot and say a hail mary for the stiffs. If there are any ghosts around, hopefully they can't hear how much the DJ sucks.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Dandies in the Boondocks

I'm not sure what it is with hipsters and hunting themes but it seems to work. The Redwood nails Log Cabin chic with wood paneling; antler lamps and burlap animal targets abound. But unlike a Linda Dershang bar, this place skews more animal-friendly than carnivorous. Vegetarian meatloaf sandwiches, vegan chili burgers, sweet potato fries and yes, some real dead cow as well. And there's more. You'll only pay backwoods prices for your cocktails and they'll throw in free peanuts to boot (go ahead and toss those shells on the floor). However, while you may feel like you're drinking in the Appalachians, don't forget to use your indoor voice, even when you're outside smoking. The neighbors will call the cops on your city slicker ass. For serious.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Feed a Hungry Child/Diner

Leave the angry, self-righteous vegetarians at home: at Quinn's you can eat lots of different parts of lots of different kinds of animals. You've got your standard lived-a-happy-life gourmet beef, but you can also order duck eggs, boccarones (white sardines), rabbit pâté, foie gras, chicken liver, lamb, wild boar, and marrow. Even the fries are prepared in beef tallow. Mmm. If you've got the more pragmatic vegetarian in tow, pickings are slim. Grilled lettuce is all the rage these days, and Quinn's proves it is oh-so-trendy by including it. You know, because warm, wilted, slightly slimy lettuce is the best part of salad. According to the waiter, the risotto was made with veggie broth, but you're taking your moral dining fortitude into your own hands if you believe him. Seriously--he had to read off my menu to explain what was in one of the dishes... not a good sign.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Tall Mocha with a Bathroom

Caffe Vita is special. Not like retarded special. But special, as in, there's something about this place I like. Unlike many coffeehouses in Seattle, this one actually has lots of space. Two stories of space to be exact. It's refreshing that I can always find a seat, and that the seat is not a stool or a stinky Value Village couch. Their coffees are good, but unfortunately not as great as Vivace. And for people who like honey in long strips, rather than ketchup packets, you're in for a treat. But the part about Caffe Vita that seals the deal for me is their bathroom. First of all, they have one. Second of all, it doesn't smell like a meth addict shit in his pants and rubbed vomit on the walls when all you have to do is take a pee pee. So if you're looking for a coffeehouse that has lots of space, honey you'll want to steal and a bathroom that doesn't smell like New Jersey, then Caffe Vita is where you want to be.

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Coffee • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Make Yourself Comfortable

Here are the secrets to enjoying this American tapas bar: Make your reservation for Tuesday because the wine that you handpick is half price. Get a hungry/thirsty crowd together. And eat everything the server brings by your table. This place isn't the greatest culinary experience, but what it lacks in taste it makes up for in experience. The laid-back atmosphere, combined with the look-and-take style makes this restaurant a fun place to be. There are no menus. But there are lots of hot small dishes that come by, almost like dim sum but without the uneasiness of not knowing what you're about to shove in your mouth. If you can only try a few things, go for the BBQ brisket, chicken marsala and grilled cheese. The desserts are nothing special, but the owner is such a sweetheart and if you talk to him long enough he'll probably give you a shot or two. Even if you end up not liking the food you picked, you're still drinking amazing wine for only $7 and no matter how hard you try you won't be bored when you come here. Even if you go on a Wednesday.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Hurrah, A Spa

This is where ladies go to chillax. I come here once every few months when I need to read and sweat and get a massage for a decent price. The women-only sanctionary seems out of place in the hustle and bustle that is Capitol Hill. But that's also what makes Hot House so genius. You go in all stressed because twenty bums just asked you for change and you leave feeling like you just went on a 10 day trip to India. There's a whisper policy, so don't come here for a bachelorette brouhaha. And although Hot House suggests that the experience is better naked, you don't have to go in your birthday suit. For only $12 you can take a dip in the Jacuzzi, then make your way to the sauna and then sit in the steam room to inhale the peppermint that fills the air and your lungs. When you you've sweat out that cupcake and pizza you had for lunch, stand under the cold flush shower, ala Flashdance style. Then repeat this process over and over again, until you feel like a whole new person. I guarantee an experience better than anything Oprah has been selling you.

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Shopping • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Holy, Costly

Ding Dong, the Wingdome is dead, and in its place rose the Good Tequila Fairy, also known as The Saint. The robin's egg blue exterior warmly invites Hillites to try their extensive tequila menu either straight or in a specialty cocktail. It's difficult to choose the appropriate accompaniment. Agave syrup or egg white? Fortunately, they offer a rotating sampler so that you can get a feel of their offerings before committing to one. And at an average of $10 a cocktail, you are going to want to be sure. While you're at it, line your stomach with decent upscale-ish Mexican fare. All the food is made on site, even the chips and salsa. Try the Pozole Verde, a green version of a Mexican pork and hominy stew. But if you're eating, be sure to hit them up during happy hour. Three small empanadas are worth it at half price, but they are certainly not $8 worth of food. Also, you might want to ask for a salt shaker.

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Nightlife • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Ain't It Great To Be Crazy...

The creators of Blue C Sushi bring you the Euro-style Boom Noodle. The shared tables create a sort of upscale cafeteria feel. Perhaps that is why the place is often teeming with families; an unusual scene for a Capitol Hill restaurant. For a more private meal that is minor free, sit in the bar and take in the game with your sake or Shiso Mojito. As the name suggests, Boom Noodle excels at ramen. But this ain't your 99 cent Top variety. These noodle soups made from fresh ingredients almost convince you you're eating health food. Almost. Don't fret if you aren't into noodles. They offer large salad and rice dishes as well as a small plate menu full of beef and fish in a unique platform. I heeded the advice of the waitress and tried the Miso Broiled Rice Cakes. She flashed a smug smile when I confirmed their crispy deliciousness. Vegetarians can order with ease using their coded menu and most dishes can be altered to meet dietary restrictions. For dessert, the Mochi Trio doesn't disappoint, but the Boom Waffle, with its strange bean compote topping, could use an overhaul.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Social Psychology Meets Cardiac Arrest

Coming here to get fried chicken is like going to Chuck E Cheese for the pizza. You might want to hang out here if you're looking to pick up a fat chick that has a massive collection of hentai anime and takes you back to her place to make out on her cat piss-stained couch, right before you gag and tell her to go gargle with gasoline. Or if you're looking for delusional "underground MCs" whose raps consist solely of Method Man knock-offs and quotes from Carlito's Way. Or if you want great examples of fast-food employees that could give a shit about you or getting your order right. If you want to see someone say "get your order?" while scratching his balls. Stop by here on the way home from the after-party, when you need napkins pronto, because your girlfriend's puking her guts out, from doing too many bong hits followed by jello shots. But don't come here for the chicken.

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Restaurants • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Cal Anderson Park

Due to its very modest size, this peaceable enclave of water and greenery barely deserves to be called a park, in my not-so-humble opinion. However, it's still a proper alternative to strolling the panhandler and glaring-hipster populated sidewalks of Capitol Hill. Cal Anderson Park was originally named Lincoln Park in 1904. In 2003 it was reopened and renamed in memory of Washington's first openly gay legislator, Calvin B. Anderson. This little park gets quite crowded on sunny days. People come here with their pets and children (sometimes hard to tell apart), gathering around the playground, fountains, sitting on the trimmed grass. There's a baseball diamond, some nearby hoops and oversized chessboards, with drop-in games held in the evenings. Now and again someone shows up on rollerblades, wearing nothing but a thong, scaring all the old ladies and cracking up the kids.

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Landmarks • First Hill / Pike / Pine

Good and Free

While the SAM is flashy and advertised on Metro buses, the Frye Art Museum is neatly tucked away on First Hill patiently waiting for you to discover it. Not only does it consistently host more interesting exhibits, it is also free, making it a terrific outing for families and those stuck with out-of-town guests. Usually there is something for everyone with previous shows ranging from R. Crumb to American Folk Art. Free parking across the street makes this art hotspot even more accessible. Like most museums, the Frye is closed on Mondays, but has extended Thursday evening hours for us working people. When the winter blahs are screwing with your head, take refuge in the Frye galleries where you can lose yourself in a landscape painting and dream of far-away travels.

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Museums • First Hill / Pike / Pine