Deal With It

It's common for New Yorkers to talk about the many ways in which other cities (in this case, DC) are not the same as New York. And it's true. If you left the City that Never Sleeps thinking you'd find a slice of the Big Apple in a federal district with a population of 580,000, you were wrong. The District sleeps. A lot. I say, "Why even bother competing? So you got pot delivery services? A 24-hour subway system? Uniqlo? Well I was taking a nap." But, you know, sometimes people really want a cup of coffee at 4 am, or a metered taxi cab, or hot corned beef on rye. And so to them, as a concession prize, I offer Morty's Delicatessen. Behold the brisket! The matzoh ball soup! The chopped liver! The black & white cookie! The demanding elderly couples feasting on enormous stacks of pastrami! Follow their lead, and then take a borscht-induced nap.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

But it's a Mazza

Yes, it's a movie chain. But this particular AMC theater is the Friendship Heights version, the one surrounded by the sparkles and glamour of luxury and high-end chains lining Wisconsin Avenue in attempts to be the Rodeo Drive of DC. Naturally, only the best is offered for its well-heeled shoppers. The AMC Mazza Galleria features several theaters, where an ID is necessary to prove not only that you're old enough to see the movies inside but that you can enjoy a cocktail with your film from the full bar at “Club Cinema.” Inside, the seats are leather with giant armrests to share with your neighbor, and the armrest holes are big enough to hold a tub of popcorn. It's like watching a movie in first-class, without the turbulence, and without the regular huge crowds typical of other DC movie theaters. And afterwards, you can hop on the Red line right downstairs.

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Movie Theaters • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Chief Zee at the Dancing Crab

Yeah, you thought your boyfriend was crazy for painting his face and screaming at the television during Redskins’ games. Chief Zee, the monikor for unofficial mascot Zema Williams, has been attending Redskins games in full tribal garb since 1978, when he first appeared at a Redskins-Cowboys game. It’s true what they say however; fame comes with a price. While attending an Eagles-Redskins game at Philly’s Veteran’s stadium back in 1983, the Chief was attacked in the parking lot by a mob of Eagles’ fans, suffering a “smashed” eye and a broken leg, as well as being stripped down to his underwear. On the upside, he was elected to the fan section of the NFL hall of fame in 2001, and in Washington, DC, November 7th is officially “Chief Zee Day.” Join Chief Zee in cheering on the Redskins this coming Sunday as they take on the rival Giants, and pay respect to a Washington legend.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Angelico Pizzeria & Cafe

Ah, cheap, greasy Italian food. You know you love it. And if you don’t, Angelico’s will make you love it. Every pizza pie comes with four little puffy garlic balls, that are chock-full of fat and deliciousness. Incoming AU student’s pay attention, because if you are new to DC, you may not be aware that, with the exception of a few joints, getting food after ten at night can be a little trying. Angelico’s don’t care about sleep! They’re open ‘til midnight, so you’ve got an extra two hours to decide that yes, you are glutton enough to want a greasy meal right before you hit the pillows. Although Pizza is the standout option for many, they’re calzones, wraps, and other classic Italian dishes have also been lavishly praised. And if you're not in the mood to spend money but you‘re still craving calories, just get their garlic bread, which in itself is a which is basically a thin pizza topped with cheese and garlic, and served with tomato sauce…actual retail price: $3.00.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Paul's of Chevy Chase

“Paul’s has it all!” That’s Paul’s motto, therefore making it completely biased, but I’ll give it to them this time, because they’ve got a lot. Maybe not “all,” but a lot. Paul’s has been somewhat of a Friendlytown landmark since 1951, supplying DC’s wino’s with semi-affordable imported wine for over a half-century. If you were to time travel back to the late ‘50s and see a drunk passed out with a paper bag on some heat grates, you’d have to assume that Paul was responsible for this heartbreaking sight. What I personally like about Paul’s is that they sell liquor. As I have already radared, Rodman’s is across the street and has all the beer you need…but no bourbon. And I’m a bourbon man. So say I want a 12 of PBR and a liter of Jack? Paul’s becomes the Robin of this Dynamic Duo of booze. Don’t miss Friday Night Tastings, which usually go from 5:30 to 8:30, and are a perfect way to start off that weekend you’ll probably end up forgetting.

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Liquor Stores • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

The Dancing Crab

Yummm…there’s nothing I like getting better than crabs. The Dancing Crab, a DC landmark for over 25 years, will give you just that: Delicious, Maryland Blue Crabs in an informal dining atmosphere. All you need is a bib and a mallet, and you are ready to hammer that crab meat out of there. The Dancing Crab/Malt Shop recently moved (next door) after DC real estate prices soared. It used to be that the restaurant was downstairs, and the Malt Shop upstairs. Now they share the same area: Patrons sit at the tables and drunks sit at the bars. There is also an excellent deck with an overhang that is perfect for late night drinks and a few hands of poker. Be sure to catch “Popcorn Monday’s,” when a few of the regulars bring acoustic guitars and, you guessed it, homemade popcorn.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Hudson Trail Outfitters

HTO is kind of like a megaplex for the outdoors/420 enthusiasts. I tried to get a backpack a few weeks ago and found out that hippies (or at least Trustafarians) must be really, really rich. But if you can afford it, HTO does have a nice supply of hiking, camping, biking, mountain climbing, and general outdoor gear. And if your low on cash, it's still a cool place to roam around and fantasize about which backpack you would bring to Europe if you quit your job and won the lottery. Or if you're planning to hike the entire Appalachian Trail this fall. Happy trails...

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Shopping • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Osman & Joe’s Steak n’ Egg Kitchen

Run by hometown heroes Osman and Joe, this is one of the few 24 hour dining spots in DC. Formerly an Original Steak n’ Egg kitchen (where our heroes worked together, fleeing their home country of Sierra Leone in wake of the civil war), Joe purchased the restaurant after the legendary food chain went under. “On a handshake and a smile,” Joe and Oz went into business together, but decided to leave the giant Steak n’ Egg sign intact. If you are in the mood for some gritty and greasy diner food, and say it’s about 3 am, you know where to find the place. But if it’s a weekend, don’t expect to get a seat in a hurry: Although their success has allowed them to install a rather large outdoor dining area, the inside is still just a counter with 15 or so bar stools. Oz recommends the Steak and egg with gravy and mushrooms, while Biggie Smalls would probably order “a T-bone steak, cheese eggs and Welch’s grape.” Be sure to order your steak n’ egg ball cap, with the signature phrase, “I don’t speak English.” Don’t be fooled…they do.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Middle ‘C’ Music

A good music store is hard to find in DC, and to be honest, this one isn’t all that great. If you’re looking for a really nice Strat or that ever-elusive Jag-Stang that Kurt Cobain customized, you ain’t gonna find it here. Sorry, but it’s off to Guitar Center and the unbearable stop-and-go of Rockville Pike. However, this conveniently located little shop does have a bunch of useful goodies for the musician: a nice variety of acoustic and electric strings, a good pair of drum sticks, and other little tidbits make it a handy shop if you broke that high E string trying to master the Heartbreaker solo. They also offer lessons for basically every instrument (okay, the didgeridoo might be pushing it), and they run a “Rock Camp” starting up in early July, with three different sessions to choose from. It’s no mega-plex, but when I asked the 75 year old man working there if they sold Kick Drum Pedals, he actually knew what I was talking about.

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Shopping • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Saturday Night at Fantom Comics

I’m a big fan of bringing geeky interests typically confined to the home (specifically the basement) into the public sphere. So, for example, the screening of offbeat sci-fi flicks at Dr. Dremo’s Taphouse on Tuesday nights. Or knitting circles. Or any sports bar for that matter. But Fantom Comics—a great store for comic books, graphic novels, and manga—has really nailed it: bring out the Nintendo, and they will come. For anyone who misses the arcades of their childhood, there’s now Saturday night gaming in Tenleytown. Starting at midnight, there’s snacks, prizes, and video games. For someone whose skills plateaued in middle school, I particularly enjoy the opportunity to rock Street Fighter again. And for those still lamenting the ill fate of the Dreamcast system, you’re not alone anymore. The next console/game is determined that Saturday night/Sunday morning, so check the website for the next in the series.

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Bookstores • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Tempo Bookstore

Say it’s Saturday afternoon, and you have a sudden yen for…Ukrainian poetry. A nice, solid book of poetry with Ukrainian on one page and English translations on the other. Where can you go? Why, you can go to Tempo Bookstore in Northwest Washington, which has quite the selection of foreign language dictionaries and learning materials. A small, hole-in-the-wall bookstore, Tempo’s purpose is to provide dictionaries and foreign language materials for students, travelers, business people, and internationals alike. Aside from the traditional offerings of French, German, and Spanish, the bookstore features some more obscure choices: want a Scots-Gaelic dictionary? You got it! How about phrase books in Urdu or Mongolian? Check. There are also foreign language books for kiddies, as well as a decent selection of TESOL workbooks.

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Bookstores • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Café Olé

Yes, it has an incredibly dorky name. Just saying the sentence, “Hey guys, why not go to Café Olé?!” in my head is making me cringe. And yes, having items on its menu like “Caesar’s Treasure” or “Sultan’s Stew” or “Istanbul Express” is not giving it any credibility either. It sounds like something a child would order at a theme park. But trust me, this self-proclaimed Mediterranean bistro serves absolutely delicious food. I’m always dubious of restaurants that offer more than one cuisine and claim to do them all well. But here we are with Turkish, Spanish, Moroccan, and Lebanese tapas/mezedes/small plates coming out of the kitchen, all of ‘em mouth-watering. Café Olé’s location is a little bit awkward. It’s at the south end of Tenleytown, stuck in some weird office building complex (also housing a movie house and hair salon) that is something like an urban strip mall. There’s limited seating inside, but in the summer it’s wonderful to sit outside on the patio and pretend you’re in a Greek café (and not on Wisconsin Avenue).

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Ashtanga Yoga DC

Breathe. Breathe… A friend of mine swears by yoga, says she just doesn’t feel right if she doesn’t get her two days a week in. So for those looking to breathe deeply while stretching your body, definitely take a class or two at Ashtanga Yoga Center in Tenleytown. They have the only authorized Ashtanga yoga teachers in the DC area, meaning these people really know their stuff, having been approved by the Ashtanga Yoga research center in Mysore, India. The Center offers beginning through advanced Ashtanga classes, but schedules vary, so check the website for days and times. Each class is about $15, but you can save a little dough by buying a class card. If you’ve never tried Ashtanga, the Center also offers a three-week beginners class for $30 that instructs novices in the basics of the practice.

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Yoga • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Rodman’s

Lately I’ve come to believe that there’s a hidden aisle at Rodman’s that leads to Narnia. My local grocery is a family-run pharmacy turned gourmet food emporium, and everything about it is dysfunctional and fabulous. Its aisles are narrow, and some are only accessible from one end. The shop has two floors, but customers are forced to leave their shopping carts by the escalator, making for a permanent traffic jam by the imported chocolates. The employees are fond of ignoring the customers and have the reaction time of someone who’s just washed down 500mg of Vicodin with a glass of bourbon. The customers move at a similar pace, many of them fussy senior citizens from Tenleytown or gourmands who’ve traveled distances to pore over the shop’s selection of fine wine, imported cheeses, curry ketchup, canes, wilting flowers, dandruff shampoos, bridge scorepads, and Scottish shortbread. Don’t mistake it for a one-stop superstore, though – it’s anything but. Rodman’s stocks what it chooses, with no obvious method to its madness. You’ll find me wandering around its aisles charmed and frustrated every day of the week, and often twice on Sundays.

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Liquor Stores , Pharmacies , Shopping • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

The Malt Shop

In a town being gentrified faster than you can say “sun-blushed tomato,” a “dive” is more likely to mean freshly painted red walls, imported ales on tap, and no smoking before 10 pm. So it’s important to define the terminology. The Malt Shop is a dive in the sense that it only serves domestic drafts—Bud and Yuengling—on a good night. It’s a dive in the sense that the same tattooed dude tends every night, and he doesn’t care if you don’t enjoy his selection of mid-90s rap, Led Zeppelin, and skatepunk. Despite being a floor above The Dancing Crab restaurant, the only food available is a take-what-you-will bucket of unshelled peanuts. Spilled beer, ash, and peanut shells coat the wooden floor. And it will always, always smell of smoke, regardless of the time of day. Other perks include a dartboard, $8 pitchers, and what I do believe is the least number of windows permitted without qualifying as a fire hazard.

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Nightlife • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights

Steak ’n Egg Kitchen

As an American, I believe it’s my right to demand a plate of steak and eggs and a bottomless cup of coffee at 3 am on a Tuesday morning. If you’re looking for similar things out of life, then not only will Steak ’n Egg meet your demands, it will spoil you. This 24-hour greasy spoon is truly a blessing. For anyone with a taste for biscuits and gravy, for solitary nighthawks or early birds, for cracked-out party people looking for after-the-afterparty eats: come one, come all… But don’t come at once, because this counter can only seat a dozen at a time. Situated in wholesome Tenleytown, this little white shack sticks out like a sore thumb. But it’s been sitting here since 1931, and Steak ’n Egg Kitchen has no intention of leaving—or changing. It still serves up good old-fashioned American diner plates that warm the cockles of your heart in a way that only heaping portions of fried food can…or maybe that’s just your arteries hardening.

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Restaurants • Tenleytown / Friendship Heights