New York

Why would you want to go wait on line for half an hour for a burger and fries at a place that is essentially a windowless back room, with crappy paneling, white acoustic tile ceilings, terrible lighting, no service, and a ruthless grab-as-you-can seating arrangement? You wouldn’t. So please, stay the fuck away from The Burger Joint inside the posh Parker Meridien Hotel. Go to the Hard Rock Café across the street—you’ll have a great time and maybe meet some celebrities! It’s really great there—lots of fun things to look at as well! You won’t make us cynical, artery-clogged New Yorkers feel bad, either—leave us to these strange passions and don’t even give it a second thought. Really.

Photo:  Rob Tallia