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There are two pairs of sneakers dangling from the wires right in front of my bedroom window, directly above the front stoop of my row house. There was only one pair a few months ago, but now there are two. And I don’t like it. Certain websites salaciously suggest that deviant hoodlums sell crack underneath these suspended shoes. Or that “gang bangers” have marked my neighborhood as their territory. Many wire-dangling-sneaker experts indicate that bullies steal their victims’ shoes and lodge them over power wires in an ultimate act of taunting. One reference site even suggests that upstanding fellows toss their old Reeboks onto a wire to let the world know they’ve lost their virginity so that we can all share in the deflowering merriment! I’m fairly certain that none of the elderly Italian couples who live on my South Philly block just popped their first cherry. And despite the abundance of crack whores wandering around the city, I can assure everyone that my newly renovated home’s front stoop is not a crack den. So I have one word for kids prone to bullying: VANS. Seriously, think about it.
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