Telling Tales

One of America's national treasures resides right here in NYC and you have every reason to take advantage of it, if you can get an appointment: StoryCorps. This nationwide oral history project allows you to converse one-on-one with someone who plays a unique role in your life, record it, and save it for posterity in your home and in the Library of Congress, all for free (donations are suggested and well deserved). After securing an appointment, head down to the StoryCorps recording booth with your interviewer (or interviewee), get settled with a sound technician in the comfy and intimate surroundings, and start talking about life and the meaningful experiences that characterize your relationship. Appointments last one hour, which will either fly by or painfully crawl along, so decide who will interview whom and prepare questions ahead of time. It could be an emotional evening, one of comic reminiscence, or a bit of both, and you may be surprised at the courage and inspiration you'll find in the process. At the end you'll have a priceless time capsule on CD, or at least an hour of free therapy, or the knowledge that you DO love the sound of your own voice, especially when filtered through those fancy microphones.

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Events • City Hall / Chinatown

2010 Launch Party

Attention NFT lovers: it's time for some major fun in NYC. Yep, you guessed right. It's time for the annual NYC guidebook party! We recently released our NYC 2010 guidebooks in stores and worldwide, and we want to celebrate its release with you, our fans. Come join us at Fontana's to get your own free copy of the NYC 2010 guidebook (while supplies last) featuring new, fantastic places to shop, dine, and explore. We'll also be giving everyone a free beer thanks to Shmaltz (while supplies last, of course), and we'll have some cool prizes from local businesses to raffle off like Cafe Grumpy, Economy Candy, Exit 9, DUO, Paris Apartment, L'asso, and Idlewild Books. So on November 17th come on down to Fontana's at 6 pm. We promise more fun than your average Tuesday night. Sign up on Facebook or download the PDF invite.

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Nightlife • City Hall / Chinatown

NFT:LES - Conflux Festival 09

It's time for another weekend of fun with psychogeography brought to you by our friends from the Conflux Festival 2009. Every year Conflux gathers psychogeographers (translation = map geeks, urban explorers, NFT fans, etc) from around the world for interactive events, lectures, parties, and all around city chaotic entertainment. This year there's an added bonus--NFT:LES, a special event sponsored by Not For Tourists and Big Game Lab. It all starts on Sunday September 20 at 1 pm at the NFT headquarters in Chinatown. We don’t want to give too much away but here are a few clues: Bring your mobile devices, we’ll provide you with an NFT, and then you hunt around the Lower East Side for a few hours trying to decipher the clues you’re given to find the secret locations to reach your goal. Now that’s what we call psychogeographic fun. But that’s not even the best part. Final destination: A super secret location where drinks and treats will be served. Check out www.notfortourists.com/conflux09 for all the details.

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Landmarks • City Hall / Chinatown

Veggie Quest

Sometimes you just need to eat like a ferocious rabbit. Sort of like the one from Monty Python's Holy Grail. In Chinatown it's hard to do better than the Mustard Green Noodle Soup at Vietnamese/Chinese hybrid Bo Ky. Plopped into a tasty broth swimming with yellow noodles is about a pound of fresh greens. This is a seriously healthy lunch that will make your taste buds as happy as your cardiologist. Share a table with three or four other locals and watch the chaos of lunch time in Chinatown unfold. Total cost of this only-in-New York experience: a whopping four bucks.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

Manhattan iPhone Party: July 8

There was a time in the Dark Ages when NFT only sold products printed on paper. Those days are now officially over with the release of the NFT Manhattan iPhone App. To celebrate we're throwing a big shindig with complimentary Belgian beer, free books, music, and a chance to mingle with other loyal NFT fans on Wednesday July 8 at 6 pm. Anyone who buys the iPhone App can drink free Palm, Belgium's best-selling ale. We'll also be handing out piles of free NFTs (while supplies last), bustin' a move to a DJ, and announcing the winner of the video contest. So join us at Fontana's for a true New York party that's for you, not them.

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Nightlife • City Hall / Chinatown

Chinese Utensils

For all you Sinophiles: check this place out. It's possibly Chinatown's cutest store, instantly. Have some friends just getting married and can't afford even the cheapest item on the registry? Get some posh-looking chopsticks for a reasonable price from this great little shop. Definitely a window-shopping destination on Mott Street while waiting for your table at Mandarin Court. Sweet.

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Shopping • City Hall / Chinatown

NFT iPhone is Here!

The first iPhone app from Not For Tourists (NFT) is now available. First stop is Manhattan, where NFT puts the most exciting island on the planet in the comfort of your own pocket. With beautiful custom maps and thousands of essential listings, NFT will help you accomplish any task in just a few seconds including: caffeinate, buy paint at 3 am, fix your bike, mail a late birthday card, chill out in a community garden, buy arugula from the nearest farmers market, or find a hotel by the hour (seriously, it's that comprehensive). And it's incredibly fast. Unlike most travel apps, NFT doesn't need to be online to work its magic. Whether you're on the subway at rush hour or in the middle of Central Park on a lazy Sunday, NFT will be there for you. It's like having a best friend in every neighborhood. Get it at the App Store.

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Landmarks • City Hall / Chinatown

Sabbath Proof

The first reason that K & M camera is great is a rather prosaic one: it's open on Saturdays. And if you've ever needed anything regarding photographic equipment on a Saturday, and you're used to shopping at either B & H or Adorama, you're screwed. The second reason is also rather prosaic: it's downtown, conveniently located in TriBeCa. The third reason is that, while small, they've got a fabulous selection of papers, a whole mess of rental equipment, and ink cartridges for any printer worth its salt. So, what we're saying here is that it's about perfect. Can anyone say "Brooklyn Outlet?"

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Shopping • City Hall / Chinatown

Self Satisfaction: Lobster Edition

This place is about as basic as you can get. In about 166 square feet, there are hundreds of lobsters in tanks, sorted by size. You go in, ask for what you want, and some guy grabs them out of the tanks, throws them in bags, and says something like, "that will be $25." You hand him the cash. You then go home and eat them with some drawn butter, some Ore-Ida Tater Tots, and some Samuel Smith beer. If you're not sure how to cook flawless lobster at home, it's easy: put 2 inches of salted water in a big pot with a lid. Boil that water. Throw the lobsters in. Take 'em out when the lobsters are bright red, 8-12 minutes later. Congratulations. You've just steamed your first lobsters. Nothing could be simpler. Not even the Tater Tots.

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Shopping • City Hall / Chinatown

Italian-Italians

Ah, to be an Italian...from Italy. Why? Well, besides the cool accent, you actually know how to make pizza, bread, sauce, sandwiches, etc. You actually know that bufala mozzarella is superior to all other kinds of mozzarella. You make things like calzones, but instead of stuffing them with processed ham and ricotta, you stuff them with escarole, black olives, and capers. And when you open a pizzeria in New York, it looks like Farinella. And you don't care that it's at some weird location (Worth just west of Broadway) you just make your four-foot-long pizzas in the back room, and wait for people to come in and understand what the hell you're doing. And if it doesn't work, you shrug your shoulders, go back to Italy, and just do the same thing for your family; the hell with the stupid Americans.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

Hunting for Veggies

Unlike our comrades stuck eating lunch in Midtown everyday, working in Chinatown opens a culinary wonderland. But eating lunch in Chinatown isn't always as easy as it looks. Sure it's cheap and there are about a billion spots to choose from, but sometimes you just want some veggies and noodles minus the pork intestine or duck tongue. Luckily a new hand pulled noodle shop just opened where the first thing on the menu is a vegetable dish (not to be confused with a "vegetarian" dish). They serve giant bowls of rich broth filled with noodles (hand pulled right in the kitchen), spinach, mustard greens, homemade pickled cabbage, and topped off with a tasty fried egg. All this for $4. Unfortunately it replaced a great little Malaysian spot (118 Bagus), but thankfully the girls that run the place are helpful and all smiles. And after three years of eating in Chinatown, I know that finding friendly service is almost as hard as finding the vegetables.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

Swimming Dinner

On a stretch of Grand Street where Chinatown and Little Italy reach a confused stalemate of alternating fish-markets and gelato shops hides a culinary mixture all it's own. Nyonya, aside from being my favorite lunch-special spot in the neighborhood, is what can be literally and (allow me) unpretentiously called 'Asian Fusion.' A tradition handed down from Malaysian wives of Chinese immigrants combining Chinese ingredients and Southeast Asian spices, Nyonya dishes are fresh, flavorful, and unlike lunch in most of Chinatown won't sluice faces and arteries in fast-food grease. The seafood rice noodles are the perfect all-in-one meal. Start them off with a bowl of chicken soup to rival your grandma's or a parachute-like Roti Canai with dipping sauce (tip: the chicken in the sauce is NOT for eating). The lunch-special menu is $6.50 with soup--any dish with mango is bliss. With bamboo decor, highly attentive staff, and massive fish tanks where you might just see your dinner swimming during the appetizer course, Nyonya is a delicious oasis of true cultural-commingling worlds apart from the dumpling/cannoli wars raging on the street outside.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

No More Fancy Omelets

Brunch--the bane of a young, urban existence. It's Sunday morning; your head is pounding, your wallet is empty from Saturday night, and for some ungodly reason each week like clockwork all your friends want to go "somewhere nice" for brunch. But seriously, the phrase "unlimited mimosas" makes you ready to lose that 3 am slice of pizza and a $20 sundried tomato and feta omelet is not going to make this heinous Sunday any more pleasant. But don't fret, you can grab a stool at the counter at Cup and Saucer, an old-school, greasy-spoon diner where, for just a few bucks, you can get what you're really needing--an egg-and-cheese sandwich, pancakes, burgers, homefries, hot coffee, and the like. Though it's now dwarfed by its bustling Chinatown surroundings and looks comically out-of-place, you get the impression that inside the place hasn't changed one iota in decades. The grub is simple yet greasily satisfying, and the jolly, attentive guys behind the counter seem like they were born to run a diner. You will definitely leave with a satiated appetite and appeased friends.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

Newsflash: Chick Flies Coop

Well, look at that. One of our own has made a name for himself in the brave, outside world! Jonathan Elliot Levy, better known as the inconstant cartographer of the rapidly diminishing NFT workforce, has gone and got himself a full page profile in this month's edition of Time Out. When first it hit newsstands, NFT fans from all four corners of the globe gathered by burning trashcans to hear the success story of a much beloved mapmaker. The findings of the article truly are miraculous: Jonathan's unlikely upbringing, illustrious internships, scandalous discoveries and final vocational epiphany. But it's not all sober-minded relation; Jonathan's interests, intentions and venues of choice (did we mention he is acclaimed drummer/sometime vocalist of the Stumblebum Brass Band?) are lovingly listed, in addition. So please: If you love NFT, love our Makers.

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Landmarks • City Hall / Chinatown

Refreshing Happy Endings

You're stressed out and tensing up; join the F'ing club. But don't worry, massages aren't just for celebrities and spa-goers. Once you come to terms with having to walk down a dark, creepy-looking alley, you can find affordable tension relief at Fishion Herb Center, a wonderful little establishment where, for a mere $20, you can get a 30-minute, full-body massage (ew, not full body) (Ed. For $20, I'd expect nothing less). Now be warned: upon arrival you will think you've come to the wrong place, and had I not received a recommendation from a real-live grownup with the financial wherewithal to get a massage at a much more luxurious place, I never would have turned down that alley myself. But 30 relaxing minutes and only $20 later, I knew I would go back. The masseuses know exactly how to fix what's ailing you, and you will leave feeling rejuvenated and ready to battle the Chinatown crowds outside. The friendly staff even bids you farewell with a cup of hot tea, a refreshing sort of "happy ending" to your massage experience, if you will.

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Services • City Hall / Chinatown

NFT Holiday Party

They may take our money. But they can never take... our NFT Party! So come on down while you still have the use of your limbs to walk to Fontana's (105 Eldridge b/w Broome and Grand) on December 3, from 6-9 pm (with possible after-party in the NFT office cellar). This gigantic, on-the-house NFT extravaganza is brought to you courtesy of the writers, designers, domestics and master builders of Not For Tourists, in honor of ten beautiful years of impeccable city-maps, sassy discursive descriptions and our staggering ability to withstand the economic tremors that have done in so many, better-prepared others. Which brings us to our final pitch: In these trying times, your company's Holiday Party was probably canceled. Our Holiday Party features free liquor, free 2009 NYC NFTs (while supplies/whims last) and the unique opportunity to mingle in a quiet and civilized manner with other like-minded NFTers. Come. We'll be waiting.

Click here to download and print the PDF invite.

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Nightlife • City Hall / Chinatown

Best of the Many

There must be at least a hundred dumpling houses in Chinatown, and I say "at least" a hundred because I've probably eaten at 100 by now, so I assume there must be more. To the untrained eye they may all look relatively similar; a dank, fluorescent-lit room where, for a mere dollar, you receive the inflation-proof deal of 5 pork dumplings. However, lucky for you, I have fine-tuned my dumpling radar in search of the perfect dumpling house. After much research I have found the Holy Grail of Chinatown dumpling houses to be Prosperity Dumpling. While other dumpling joints make their products with soggy dough and a mushy filling, Prosperity's masterful chefs manage to maintain the perfect level of crispiness on the outside, while the juicy and flavorful shredded pork and chive filling seems to melt in your mouth. If you are in the mood to splurge, for just 75 cents you can get a moist, doughy sesame pancake, which, like the beautifully prepared dumplings, are far superior to any of their competitors. So while it is may not be a place to take a date or your parents, Prosperity dumpling will become your Mecca for those intense Chinatown munchies.

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Restaurants • City Hall / Chinatown

In the Name of a Bank

September 25, 2008 was a dark day. Washington Mutual, the financial institution I've been with for eleven long years, bit the dust; subsequently eaten up by New York bank behemoth Chase. In 1997 I signed up with WaMu just days after moving to Portland, Oregon. Everyone told me that WaMu was the bank of the future with its free ATMs and incredibly nice, helpful tellers. But when I came to New York, the West Coast smiles turned to mean glances and intimidating sighs. But not at the WaMu Chinatown branch. The service is efficient, the lines are short, and you can immerse yourself in a gigantic Chinese mural by the world-renowned artist Dong Kingman. The friendly Vice President Lawrence Lo is always there greeting people and answering any customers' questions. This branch doesn't even have the lame cash dispensing machines most WaMus installed in the last few years. Instead of walking to a machine and punching in a code, the teller gives you the money directly. What a concept! So dear Mr. JP Morgan Chase: Save this branch. If I must trust you with my hard-earned money, please do me this one favor.

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Banks • City Hall / Chinatown

Best Sign Ever

Whenever I can't stare at the NFT website any longer or have to take a break from my lovely co-workers, I take a quick jaunt down Mott Street. Where Pell Street meets Mott, I stop and bask in the lovely sight of Mei Dick Barbershop. Nothing gives me as much pleasure in this material world than glimpsing sign. I giggle to my(mei)self and keep walking, feeling completely rejuvenated that there is some goodness left in this world. Sometimes I even laugh out loud in front of scared European tourists. Nothing like a good pee pee joke. Afterall, once a twelve-year-old boy, always a twelve-year-old boy.

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Landmarks • City Hall / Chinatown

NFT Hates Italians

Sometimes I can't believe where I work. The pay is low, the bosses are always drunk, and the elevator's been broken since 1993. Did I mention we're on the 17th floor? But what really gets me is that the NFT executives are so culturally insensitive, they've forgotten about their own ancestral roots. It's absolutely scandalous that the two founding members of NFT (Jane Pirone and Rob Tallia) are of Italian descent yet have no respect for the great Christopher Columbus. Today while the rest of the city is out frolicking on a perfect autumn day to celebrate the legacy of Christoforo Columbo, we're chained to our desks. Instead of sleeping in 'til noon, having a picnic in the park, or rendezvousing with our lovers at a cheap hotel in Midtown, we're inputting data into the NFT content manager. Lucky us. Even the Chinese understand the importance of this day. In Columbus Park in Chinatown they have a whole itinerary of activities planned. But not NFT. We'll be calling hardware stores in Atlanta.

P.S. NFT isn't always bad. One time upper management took us out for tacos and bowling. It was the best night of my life.

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Landmarks • City Hall / Chinatown