Tower of Power

If you're looking for a spot to go to where the drinks are delicious, the food is impeccable and the service is insanely on point, go to Union Trust. The restaurant itself won "Best New Steak House of Philadelphia 2009," "The" food reviewer of Philly, Craig Leban said it has the "Best Raw Bar in town" but even the dam Maitre'd won "Best of Philadelphia 2009!" So I had to check it out. The prices are reasonable especially the Buck-a-Shuck $1 Oysters. I had the Ancho Chilli rubbed Rib eye steak and I just about melted in ecstasy. Oh and FYI this place is MASSIVE!

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Restaurants • Center City East

Cleaning With Candy

I have never been so excited to go home a take a shower. I mean really. I walked into duross & langel and immediately am greeted with wafts of the most alluring fragrances. They had beer soap, chocolate soap, mojito, margarita, fennel seed, black shea, I mean I could go on forever. My mother picked up some cherry and bourbon vanilla soap. I picked up some "naked" moisturizer that is fragrance free and doesn't feel greasy at all and I also grabbed a ginger shower gel that smelled like ginger candy. As I went to pay for the goods, I met half of the name sake--Steve Duross. He told me the bar soaps are all natural and vegan approved and that they make most of their stuff in the kitchen upstairs from the store. He even gave me and momma-dukes a brief tour and sent us on our way with some peppermint lipbalm, which by the way, tastes like candy canes. OMG I love this place!

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Shopping • Center City East

Beer, Beer, and More Beer

You should absolutely check out Varga Bar. But try not to be as obsessive about it as I have been lately. The bar, that's more like a restaurant, has 22 local Philly beers on tap. But that's not what caught my eye, or stomach for that matter. It was the Crab Cheese Fries - French fries covered in White Cheddar cheese mixed with JUMBO LUMP CRABMEAT! For you Beer heads Varga has a collection of unusual American-made beers, including a hand pump with an exclusive beer made Flying Fish Brewing Company. Other beers on tap include Founder’s Backwoods Bastard, Russian River Damnation, Rogue Imperial Pilsner and Flying Fish Cask. The beer list can change daily, and is updated through Twitter. The Bar Manager, Ian, is an expert on beer. I mean, he got me to drink--and like--a whole glass of Bell's Oberon

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Restaurants • Center City East

Respect It While You Can

The Barbara's Florist butler statue was not glamorous. He was not wise. He was losing pieces of his nose with every new season. But what he will be remembered for is his fondness of the various holidays (pictured here: St. Patrick's Day), and very lifelike, creepily human eyes. He was recently tossed away, his sacrifice of standing sentient wearing ridiculous costumes day in and day out just a hindrance to Barbara's Florist's new dreams. With fresh owners leading the charge, it will soon change its name to "Walnut Flower Company": Philly's "hottest floral design studio" with an "event planning division." The butler statue will not be a part of it. Rest in Peace.

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Landmarks • Center City East

Nipping and Tucking

Nothing screams, "We're in a recession and I'm going to curb my frivolous expenditures" quite like making a beeline to the nearest plastic surgeon. But in today's tumultuous job market, I recommend taking advantage of your medical benefits while you still have them. For me, that involved heading to The Pennsylvania Center for Plastic Surgery to have a small cyst removed from my face. The folks at the center were not at all what I expected: they were super friendly and talented--and not at all skeevy like the dudes from Nip/Tuck. They didn't try to talk me into getting lipo, collagen, and Botox. They just took care of business like any respectable medical practice would. So if you've been putting off a trip to any of your covered medical professionals and you're not feeling so great about your job stability, now is the ideal time to get in tip-top shape before COBRA sucks you dry. Or, if you have cash burning a hole in your Louis Vuitton and you're looking to get the Joan Rivers treatment, you could always head to The Pennsylvania Center for Plastic Surgery to spruce yourself up.

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Hospitals • Center City East

Krazy Karaoke

I'm going to get this out of the way first so I can get to the point of this review: the food at New Harmony is quite good, featuring tasty pieces of faux-meat breaded and sauced so that full-on carnivores can't always tell they're not eating animals. But you see, this review is not about New Harmony's delicious dishes, it's about their VIP-room karaoke. Armed half with Chinese and half with English songs, the karaoke system features a number of highly unofficial background videos that were apparently made by Interns With Cameras in 1992. Thus your favorite songs of the 80's and 90's become punctuated by women in sheer black pantyhose posing outside of lighthouses, "Love Shack" features three women carousing outside of a house that I remained convinced the crew didn't even have permission to shoot in front of, and perhaps most disturbingly, "Bohemian Rhapsody" features shots of a happy little boy interspersed with shots of creepy dolls. This is karaoke as it was meant to be: weird as all hell, with something other than drinking yourself into a coma to distract you from all of the terrible singing. Enjoy.

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Nightlife , Restaurants • Center City East

The Only Way To Eat It

If the name of this quaint little slice of chocolate heaven isn't enough to make passersby stop in, then the delicacies should be. While we all know that everything tastes better with chocolate on it, we don't always know that everything tastes better when you're naked. It does. But anyway, Naked is exactly what you won't find when you're scanning the counter of chocolate-covered goodies. Although Philly is famous for soft pretzels, I prefer the hard kind, covered in mouth-watering chocolate and Oreos or Reeses Pieces. Or maybe I want a cupcake oozing with succulent chocolate frosting. How about some rum-flavored chocolate? It really doesn’t matter what you order at Naked--it's all orgasmic. So what are you waiting for? As Methods of Mayhem says, get naked.

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Restaurants • Center City East

Old, Yet Funny

The Philadelphia Sketch Club has been around for a long time, dating back to the time of the Civil War. In fact, it's the oldest artist club in America! Its hallowed members have included Thomas Eakins (honorary), Peter Boyle (yep, the actor's father), Maxfield Parrish, N.C. Wyeth and Alexander Calder to name a few. My wife is a third generation member and was acting secretary for many years so I have frequented a lot of monthly meetings. Though you can't just wobble into one of those (which are fun and you get to meet all sorts of fascinating and quirky folk) unless you're a guest, you can easily attend one of their exhibits or workshops that are ongoing. In all the times I've been inside I've never failed to notice something new on the walls or shelves.

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Art Galleries • Center City East

Silence of the Trams

"And I'm all like, what was she thinking? Going out with him? And she won't talk about it, so you know she totally did it. Whatever. What a hooker, right? I can’t even believe this is my best friend sometimes, you know?" If you’ve ever ridden SEPTA's regional rail, you've probably overheard a similar conversation being yakked into a cell phone by a teenager, oblivious to her surroundings. Or maybe you've been treated to a free concert when a fellow rider blasts distorted music from his speaker phone for the entire commute. Or you gritted your teeth while you tried to ignore screaming children, hacking coughers, obnoxious ring tones, and businessmen trying to sound more important than they are. Ah, the joys of public transportation. SEPTA recently launched a quiet car pilot on the R5 line. The goal is to provide a car where you won't have to listen to people air their dirty laundry for an audience of strangers. A place where you can pop your ear buds in and not have to blow out your eardrums trying to drown out the noise. If the pilot is successful, they’ll roll out the program to other lines. Fingers crossed…

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Shopping • Center City East

Mature Audiences Only

One thing Philly lacks is wine bars. Luckily, there's Vintage. This cozy wine-lovers paradise is exactly what a wine bar should be--small, sleek and sophisticated. While two-top tables adorn the narrow walkway, slightly bigger tables can be found in the back. This bar is my favorite place to down some Pinot Noir, but that's if you're lucky enough to snag a seat. If you are, don't be afraid to quiz the bartenders--they know their shit! If you're a serious wine connoisseur, meaning you sniff and swirl the wine while looking quite snobbish, the bartenders won't mind you. In fact, they'll keep pouring you samples until you're satisfied. However, if you're like me, you'll be satisfied with the fifteen dollar wine flight that was suggested and be excited that its alcohol content is equivalent to almost three glasses of wine. Wino or not, you'll be a fan of Vintage, if not for the wine, then for the fact that it's one of the few places in town where "College ID Night" is forbidden. I'll drink to that.

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Nightlife , Restaurants • Center City East

Fear the Foliage

Stop with your sci-fi films, people! There is a very real futuristic threat in our midst. Philadelphia has a SPACE TREE. It's a sycamore in Washington Square that was grown from a seed taken into space on Apollo 14. Oh, sure, the tree looks normal. Scraggly, even. But how can we know what radiation the seed was pelted with, what alien messages it might have received outside of our atmosphere? For all we know the tree is just waiting, biding its time until the right moment when its boughs will descend and make us into slaves! I am, of course, not recommending that you preemptively hurt the tree--not only could that set off an INTERGALACTIC SPACE WAR, but it would probably get you some sort of fine from the Philadelphia PD. Seriously: Don't be a hero. Rather, I recommend constant vigilance: watch the tree, and if makes any sudden moves, let me know. I'll be the one walking around the city in a tin foil hat.

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Landmarks • Center City East

Heavenly Hellenists

If gyros come to mind when you think Greek, perhaps you need to take a trip to Effie's. The digs are modest, with an untrendy utility kitchen taking up a large portion of the tiny dining area. Greek tunes are pumped out of an early 90s era stereo, which hopefully can mask any secretive dinner conversations from the ridiculously close neighboring tables. Despite this, the feta cheese tastes like it was gifted from Zeus, and the entrees are prepared just like they came from your yia-yia's kitchen. The prices are recession-friendly and you can bring your own wine. Try the shrimp Santorini or the baby lamb chops--they will not disappoint.

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Restaurants • Center City East

Indian Pancakes

Versatile. If Aqua could be described in one word, that would be it. From dinner dates to a night out with the girls, you can't go wrong if you bring your company to this Thai-Malaysian BYOB. With appetizers like the Indian Pancake, a mouth-watering, flaky slab of dough served with spicy sauce, you might never go back to regular pancakes again. Because the food here is so delicious, you'll overlook the fact that the decor kind of emulates that of a cheap nail salon. One more thing--be sure to bring plenty of booze, as the servers don't care if you sit and sip your fourth bottle of Shiraz, two hours after you've paid your check.

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Restaurants • Center City East

A Sip of Seniority

It's only been in the last year that I've finally put on my adult pants and started drinking coffee. I was always much more of a tea person, and, coupled with the fact that the first time I ever drank coffee I had 48 oz. and felt quite literally like someone was trying to pull my ribcage apart, coffee just seemed like something to stay away from. But this year I've finally fallen under coffee's spell, and in the last few months, I've gotten smart (or, at the very least, frugal) and started brewing it at home. I largely have Old City Coffee to thank for this decision. I had tried buying coffee beans at my grocery store, only to be disappointed when I discovered that the coffee I had purchased tasted like drinking a burned rat. But then, the next week I saw a friendly looking bag of beans roasted by Old City Coffee on sale at Greensgrow (you can also get them at any Old City Coffee location). I purchased the bag, and discovered that the coffee is so good, I can drink it black. Black coffee? Now I really feel like an adult.

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Coffee • Center City East

Minors in Tequilaland

When eight of us carried a 1.75 liter bottle of tequila and 40 beers into BYOB El Azteca, we realized we might have overestimated our drinking abilities. Sheepishly grinning at our harried waitress, we ordered dinner and set out to do as much damage as possible to our intimidating pile of booze. We were prepared to feel like idiots when other patrons began to filter into the joint. Except we didn't. Three waif-like girls came through the door, handle of Tequila in hand. A group of guys brought enough alcohol with them to buzz the entire population of Wyoming. Table after table, people did shot after shot. The kicker? Most of these adult beverages were being slugged down by non-adults. Whether college freshmen or high-school sophomores, the patrons at El Azteca were hardly seasoned pros. One girl passed out in the booth hours before her friends called it a night. Other girls stumbled to the ladies room--which consisted of one room with two toilets situated side-by-side (so one girl can pee while another pukes?). With good food, a 'no rush' atmosphere, and excellent people-watching, El Azteca is good times.

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Restaurants • Center City East

Chicken: Feathers Attached

Irish pubs. Philadelphia's full of them. Irish music, flat-screen TV's, and mouth-watering drink specials. Moriarty’s is no exception. That being said, what makes this pub stand out from the crowd is the abundance of outdoor seating. While there are the typical few tables on the sidewalk in front of this beer joint, the seating also wraps around along the side of the building, which is great, if you don't mind sitting in a sketchy ally. Because the beer specials here are relatively cheap ($2 drafts, I can afford that), you'll have enough money to spend on some greasy food. The burgers here are named after popular Philly street names, and because I'm loyal to my street, I felt guilty when I ordered the "Locust" instead of the "Spruce." Of course, a true Philly Irish pub would be nothing without its chicken wings. However, I was turned off when I saw that the wings here resembled chicken thighs, and might possibly contain a feather or two. That aside, I did make my stomach happy with lots o' beer and cheap food. Side note: Be sure to tell your server you'd like your appetizer before your entree, unless you're one of those people who enjoy having 10 plates in front of them at once.

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Nightlife , Restaurants • Center City East

Slow and Spidery

While my Spanish-speaking capabilities are minimal, I know that "azul" means "blue," which is definitely what you'll be feeling if you go to Azul Cantina on an empty stomach. The interior of this Mexican venue is very cozy and lounge-like. However, like many Philly restaurants, outside seating is a plus, and this place is no exception. Except that my friend and I were seated at a table right next to a huge potted spider plant, which she kept brushing away from her face. Add in the screaming baby at the next table and you'll be wondering if you're at Chuck E Cheese's. That aside, I was determined to order a guava margarita, which, from the menu says it's made from fresh fruit. And fresh it was, as well as very strong, which it had better be after it took ten minutes for it to get to my table! Luckily, the free (yes, FREE!) chips and salsa kept me occupied while I waited for my fruity glass of heaven. Alas, my friend was bitten by a spider (probably due to the potted plant) and we left feeling semi-disappointed and semi-inebriated. However, Azul does have a late night happy hour from 11-1, and there's nothing "blue" 'bout that.

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Restaurants • Center City East

In The Teeth

There are a lot of sketchy phobias out there. Like Consecotaleophobia. Fear of chop sticks. Or Phobophobia…the fear of phobias. C'mon, really? One phobia that seems a tad more legit is Dentophobia, the fear of dentists. Who enjoys it when some power-tool-brandishing stranger makes small talk while his hands are shoved in your mouth? Dentists are associated with lots of scary things: obligation, pain, shrill noises, and guilt. It's a phobia worth standing behind. Well, Dentophobes, you may have to find a new crippling anxiety disorder because Dr. Hoffman is the man to ease your dental panic. Gentle without being condescending, he'll get your mouth whipped into good shape while causing as little pain as is dentistly possible. Whether you're cavity-stricken, in need of a good cleaning, or got to get your gums replaced, Dr. Hoffman works quickly. You'll be out of that reclining chair before you can even think "ouch." Dr. Hoffman's staff is also great--they don't give you the 'how-often-do-you-floss' guilt trip like some other judgmental hygienists in the city. The office even has toothbrushes in the bathroom so you can get a quick brush in before your appointment.

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Services • Center City East

A Heaven For Hummus On Earth

For a person who can eat an entire container of hummus in one sitting, I was stoked when I stumbled upon Chickpeas. For one, they have five hummus plates to choose from, which the owner immediately suspected was confusing the hell out of me. He suggested the hummus and shawarma. Yeah, that sounds good... but what is "shawarma?" No need to ask because the menu here boasts a vivid glossary of commonly unknown Middle Eastern food words, which is definitely appreciated by patrons like me, who grew up in the Midwest eating nothing but beef. Aside from delicious hummus platters, Chickpeas has a variety of pita sandwiches and yes, even vegetarian platters for those of you who don't do the meat thing. As of now, only cash is accepted, but the owner tells me they are working on getting a credit card machine in the near future, because really, who carries cash these days?! The best part about this little falafel grill is that they deliver. And we all know that sometimes it's best to steer clear of the crazies on South Street.

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Restaurants • Center City East

Tchotchkes

As someone who has attended roughly a gazillion weddings in the past few years and as someone planning her own wedding, I have one and one thing only to say: registries suck. Who needs an assortment of giant crystal platters and candy dishes, anyway? What, are we all striving to live in a Liberace museum? Crystal, despite its sparkle, is bo-ring! I grew up in an artist/shopaholic's house and I'm not afraid to admit it: I prefer tchotchkes. Funky ones, cute ones, indulgent ones, functional ones. You name it--they make me smile. And no section of the city is better poised to fulfill your (or your unsuspecting friends’) tchotchke needs than Midtown Village. With shops like Open House, Absolute Abstract, Sailor Jerry, and P.H.A.G., you can find unique art and wares for any occasion. Because you're an individual--not a Stepford Wife. Buy a giant silver elephant that holds a bottle of wine for your recently engaged pal. Pick up that sassy onesie for your prego friend. Or get some comic-infused throw pillows for your buddy's housewarming. They may think you're eccentric, but they'll never think you're boring.

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Landmarks • Center City East