Kayaking the Delaware

I realized I had been working a lot when I started thinking about going kayaking on part of the notoriously dirty Delaware River for 20 minutes as a "tiny mini vacation." Hell, it wasn't even kayaking on the river itself, but on a squared-off piece of marina water at the base of the Independence Seaport Museum--a somewhat twisted way of Mayor Nutter giving Philadelphians better access to the Delaware waterfront. But dammit, it was nice. Being able to hop off the El, walk for a few minutes, and get in a boat and paddle around for a while honestly did feel like a tiny mini vacation. The program is unfortunately over--the last day was August 16--but I'm already looking forward to next year. And you should be too. Oh, and it's totally free, so you have no excuse. Start planning your tiny mini vacation for next summer.

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Landmarks • Old City / Society Hill

Ice Cream Festival

I imagine that one of the low-to-middle rings of hell consists of being smothered by sweaty, sticky-fingered children as they press progressively closer and closer to you, eating ice cream that you yourself are not allowed to enjoy. If you would like to prepare yourself for this particular hell, I suggest that you visit the annual Fourth of July Ice Cream Festival at Penn's Landing. Oh, I probably shouldn't be so harsh. After all, you do get to try as many delicious ice cream flavors as you can eat..that is, if you have the stamina to push yourself through the crowds of sweaty families who stand like Lindsey Lohan's bodyguards between you and the ice cream. And yeah, your entry fee does go to charity. Sigh. Maybe I'm becoming an agoraphobic cynic. Or maybe I just hate being touched by sticky-fingered children.

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Landmarks • Old City / Society Hill

Inking Up

Long gone are the days when tattoos were taboo. These days, sporting a tattoo is almost as common as being a brunette. But just because ink is mainstream, that doesn't mean that all tattoo parlors are created equal--in terms of both artistic quality and cleanliness. Whether you're looking to get that cute little Tweety Bird forever etched into your ankle, or you're rolling the dice and getting a Chinese symbol that may or may not mean what you think it does, or you've decided to get a complex sleeve that symbolically displays all of your life’s major accomplishments, the folks at Olde City Tattoo are up to the challenge. Print out your design, make an appointment, and head in to turn your pasty skin into a work of art. Armed with the knowledge that you're getting inked by some one of the city's most reputable spots, you'll feel good knowing that the image you'll be stuck with for life is top-notch.

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Shopping • Old City / Society Hill

A Glorious Rub Down

If you've never had a massage, you can start by experiencing Triune. If you've had a massage, then say good-bye to your old masseuse because they've got nothing on the amazing staff at this quaint muscle-rubbing place in Old City. Since the daily stressors often times get the best of me, I find myself high-tailing it for a 30 minute neck and shoulder rub-down at least once a month. Yes, I'll pay $35 for a half-hour's worth of someone kneading my sore muscles, and so will you once you try it. If you prefer, you can even get an hour's worth of body work done, you lucky bastard. Because Triune is so flippin' awesome, they also offer chiropractic and wellness services. Yes, some of us are that effed up. Now, go get you some crack; I promise you won't regret it.

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Shopping • Old City / Society Hill

Should Be More Fun

Buffalo Billiards should be, in theory, like my own private Disney World. I walked in and my eyes lit up with all the bar had to offer: tons of TVs, a variety of bar games and amusements, good beers on tap, and edible bar food. The bartenders were cheerful and helpful. So with all its potential, I was disappointed to scratch my head and wonder why I wasn't having fun there. Maybe the numerous flat-screen TVs led to lots of gaping and gawking, rather than stimulating conversation with friends. Maybe people were so intently focused on their pool/darts/shuffleboard/foosball/Photo Hunt games that they could not convey they were enjoying themselves. Maybe the ten bucks for chicken fingers that were probably nuked in the microwave seemed a bit steep. Whatever the case, it was unnaturally quiet in Buffalo Billiards, despite the fact that there was a decent crowd in the place. I won't give up--there's too much potential!--but I won't be hurriedly putting on my running shoes to get back there, either.

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Billiards , Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

The Un-BYOB

Italian places are a dime a dozen in Philadelphia. South Philly is crawling with BYOBs--the air is ripe with garlic and oregano. But when you don't have a bottle of Pinot sitting around and you're too lazy to drag your ass to the liquor store, let Spasso sate your pasta craving. They have a huge wine list, so that you'll be able to compliment your meal perfectly. Vegetarians and vegans might not fare so well at Spasso--or they might be tempted to convert back to their carnivorous ways for a few hours--since the menu is loaded with delicious meat, fish, and mollusk dishes. But don't fret if you decide to forgo meat, if you don't want tomatoes on your pasta, or if you have any other high maintenance, Meg-Ryan-from-When Harry Met Sally-requests. The restaurant and its staff, all of whom will charm you with their authentic Italian accents, will bend over backwards to accommodate any of your special requests...and they'll do it with a smile.

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

Always Good & Cheap

When you're racking your brain for an affordable spot to grab drinks with friends, Old City almost certainly does not spring to mind. That's why Irish Pol is such a gem--you get a convenient location, ultra affordable food and drink prices, a wall of draught beers to choose from (literally!), and a crowd that's smart enough to realize that $10 for one beer does not a wise investment make. Not quite a dive bar, but not a snooty gastro pub, either, the atmosphere at Irish Pol is just what you need to take the edge off a FUBAR week at the office. Unlike most Old City spots, you won't find heavy techno beats or dancers who take themselves too seriously. Instead, you'll find $1 hot dogs during Flyers games, a popcorn machine, and a beer suggestion box. Not to mention, you can't beat the ambience. Jagermeister bottles have been transformed into light fixtures and provide the perfect mood lighting for kicking back and drinking up. Whether we're in a recession or living large, Irish Pol is the kind of bar where you want to--and can afford to--become a regular.

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Oh Hoppy Day

Upon first walking into Triumph, you'll smell something funny. Don't fret--you're not in the middle of the country inhaling fertilizer. Actually, what you're smelling is hops. At Triumph, they brew their own beer and that means it's two things: Strong and good. Grab a glass of Honey Wheat if you like it light, or perhaps you're feeling festive and are in the mood for some Pumpkin Ale. Happy hour here boasts some excellent drink specials, but do be forewarned--shots here, unlike their beer, are weak and overpriced. Stick to the beer and, if it's available, the cozy green couch in the back. After a long work week, who needs anything more?

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Friday Night Karaoke Explosion

I've only attended it a few times, but I am so over hipster karaoke. It's crowded, you have to wait for forever to sing a song, and it's usually on weeknights. Sure, there's the bonus of getting to sing Dead Kennedys (or whatever other punk bank you listened to in 9th grade), but for me, that's not enough to make me want to pack in like a sardine while uber-drunk college seniors make their way through tunes. This is why I hereby throw my karaoke approval behind Friday night karaoke at Downey's on South Street. “Woah!” you might think. "South Street? Irish bar? That sounds like a lot of horribleness." Usually, yes. But in this case, it's not. The event is frequently not crowded, the vibe is unpretentious, and the song book is massive. Hip and unhip alike: go forth and sing.

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Achin’ for the Bacon

Nothing cures a big appetite like good old-fashioned diner food. Especially if your hunger stems from a wild night of boozin'. Not to fear: diner food not only tastes like your mom’s home cookin', but satisfies even the most hung-over of patrons. The best part--it’s cheap. Yes, you can really get two servings of eggs, a generous portion of greasy bacon, a few slices of toast and a cup of coffee all for under five dollars. And if you're like me, chances are you'll appreciate this cheap fare, since most of your hard-earned money went towards a couple over-priced martinis the night before. Oh, and speaking of drinks, did I mention the coffee at this place is arguably the best cup of coffee in the city? Yes, and it's only one dollar! So while the nightlife scene in Philly tends to be a bit costly, it's good to know that Mrs. K's will be serving up full meals that won’t break your bank.

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

Deliciously Strange

If you are craving Italian, I highly recommend Spasso. What appears at first to be a quaint, one room Italian bistro morphs into three separate, distinguished dining rooms. Our waiter, who must have previously trained at the Macaroni Grill, plopped himself down in a seat at our table to introduce himself and take our order. It was moderately awkward. I was expecting him to scribble his name in crayon across the table cloth; thankfully he didn't. My meal (chicken with artichokes in a creamy tomato sauce) was delicious and came with an accidental side of penne due to a slip up by the food runner. This unfortunately spurred extra interaction with weird waiter man. Either way, the portions are plentiful and well worth taking a doggy bag home.

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

You Know You Want To

...Whack a paddy, that is. Now, listen up: South Street is hardly the section of the city you go to avoid tourist traps. Cheesy bars, hokey sex shops, and an abundance of tattoo parlors make South Street a haven for angst-ridden suburban teenagers. With all the tourists lurking nearby, Paddy Whacks might not seem like the obvious venue of choice for die-hard Philly sports fans. But with spacious rooms and more TVs than a Best Buy showroom, Paddy Whacks is a great spot to eat, drink, and cheer on your team. Paddy Whacks offers reasonable prices, but if you're pinching pennies extra hard these days, head to their website and register to win a free happy hour for you and your friends. Free! Whether you bleed green, orange or red, Paddy Whacks is a place you can feel at home while you yell at players through the TV with like-minded people who feel your pain and, on occasion, share the joy of being a Philly sports fan.

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Transformative Fish

I wasn't a big fan of sushi...until I discovered Mizu. This tiny little BYOB is the kind of place you might go on a first date, because even if your date sucks, you'll at least be in the company of some delicious raw fish. Being that this is Philly, Mizu creates its own version of the famous "Philly Roll," substituting the cucumbers for avocado. Brilliant! When making salads, Mizu doesn't skimp and uses "real" lettuce instead of that iceberg crap that many other sushi venues use. In addition to a crisp, clean ambiance, another great feature is the take-out. It's quick and efficient. All in all, Mizu has something for everyone (even those of you who can’t score a first date).

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

Take-Out Beer on South Street

Let me begin with what I hope will become a classic Philadelphia blessing: "Proud and weary citizens of Philadelphia/May you never find your car overturned in a sports riot/May you eat well, and often/And may you never, ever find yourself on South Street." Okay, okay, I know: South Street has its uses. Pearl is a great art store, the TLA (sometimes) and the Philly Improv Theater (quite often) have good shows, and the clearance area at Bare Feet Shoes has good finds (if you can get back there). But when I think about free-time activities I enjoy, 'forcing my way through gaggles of New Jersey teenagers' is last on my list. Still, sometimes the best of us find ourselves on South Street, and sometimes we have needs: drinking. Specifically: grabbing a six pack. Thus I recommend to you Woolly Mammoth, which has a lovely selection of bottled beers and will gladly mix them into a take-out six-pack for you. I don't necessarily recommend drinking here--every time I've gone, the music has been astonishingly loud, and Tattooed Mom's is right up the street--but let them fill all of your brown-bagging needs.

 

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill

Plush Lunch

What we have here is the smaller, slightly cheaper version of the ever-so-classy "Fork Restaurant." This is a good thing, especially for those of us who wish we could spend our lunch breaks fine-dining and sipping wine. At Fork you can grab high-quality food, such as "Turkey, Brie, Gala Apple" sandwich and a glass of Pinot Blanc all in a matter of minutes. If you have time to spare, take a seat at one of the plush tables, or just hover around the community table as you chow down. Unfortunately, this plush lunch will cost you a tad bit more than that tuna sandwich from the lunch truck. But let's be real--you know you deserve it!

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

As Good As It Gets

This is the perfect place to spend any morning, sipping a cup of coffee (which is served in a mustard colored plastic mug), and watching the people go by from the gigantic front windows that shower the restaurant in light. The only place to crouch is on a circular stool that is mounted to the floor and helps to contribute to 1960's luncheonette vibe that exudes from every crevice. You can only order the first two meals of the day, but for all your slackers out there, breakfast is served until closing time. The prices and the menu are simple--there is no Dijon sauce for your ham sandwich or little orange wedge to decorate the side of your plate, but sometimes white bread and tuna salad is just about as good as it gets, especially when it costs under $5!

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

Metro Cafe

I'm going to get serious now about a dire situation in regards to Philadelphia's cultural and edible shortcomings. I'm not talking about the lack of Thai food. I don't have nearly as much concern about restaurant licensing policies. What plagues me is this: Despite having high-quality restaurants, several strikingly good pizza makers and cornering the market on pretzels… somehow no one in this town can make a decent bagel. I learned recently that this could be due to many factors: steaming rather than boiling, different city water quality, laziness. Unfortunately in the masses of rolls with holes you will not find a quality bagelry. Though Metropolitan Bakery makes the best bagels in Philly, they are strictly against toasting them or prepping them for you in any way. Enter: The Metro Cafe at Farmicia! When faced with a craving that cannot be sated by any other glutinous treat, Farmicia will TOAST your Metropolitan Bakery bagel, give you some cheap cream cheese with a knife, and send you on your way. This is decidedly the best we can hope for.

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Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

Beers and Bugs

If you've been scouring the city for a fun, upbeat bar, sans crowds, then I've found the perfect spot for you: National Mechanics. Located in a building that looks like it could be a museum, this drinker's haven is easy to miss. However, once inside, don't let the decor of dead insects and creepy pictures confuse you--this is a bar, although it might feel like you've just landed in a scene from Beetlejuice. With plenty of booth-style seating, National is the perfect happy hour scene, especially if your happy hour turns into hours. Late night at this joint is the perfect mix of '80s and '90s music, and due to the small crowd, you'll even have enough room to bust out that M.C. Hammer move you've been practicing for decades. Beers, bugs, and bad dancing--how else do you want to end your work week?!

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Nightlife , Restaurants • Old City / Society Hill

A Love That Will Last Forever

Throw a hissy fit, throw a curveball, throw up. From first moment I "threw," it was love. That was the day I threw clay onto a potting wheel, of course. Apart from the class fee--which at first glance seems like much but is completely reasonable considering the amount of studio time and free kiln firings you get in addition to instruction--the only things I had to buy were my basic supplies and bag of clay. I was given all the tools I needed to make lopsided pots and screw up every attempted cup handle. The studio, you can tell, is well-loved and cared for. From its stairwell mural to the insistence on cleanliness, the studio fosters creativity and independence in your work, even in a class setting. Sign up for the mailing list on the website: they hold some sexy Date Nights (think: Ghost)!

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Art Galleries • Old City / Society Hill

Plebian Potables

The Khyber is the eldest bars in the city of Philly, and basically the only place in pretentious Old City where us simpletons can relax, have a beer and not have our personal space punctured by a bunch of sweaty frat boys. Of course, the Khyber's great musical lineup ensures that the frat boys place will quickly be taken by a bunch of thirty-something grunge rockers, but they're much more fun to bump heads with. Head to the second floor for a ten dollar open bar on Sundays and dollar High Life/PBR specials every other night. Don't like PBR? Get out of my city.

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Nightlife • Old City / Society Hill