World Peace Inducingly Good

The menu is confusing and overwhelming. The tables are covered in cringe-inducing, slightly crusty black velvet. The space is tiny and smells like grease. The burgers are shockingly expensive. But they are also world peace inducingly good. Like if Shimon Peres and Mahmoud Abbas sat down over a Super Baby Beef Burger with maple bacon, caramelized onions, and Satan's Habanero Ketchup they could reach an agreement. First you choose your meat from a selection of Dork (a duck and pork burger), Lawrence Velk (venison and elk), lamb, veggie falafel, or plain Jane cow. Now it's time to channel your inner Beaker and play mad scientist. Experiment. Get crazy. Layer on the cheeses, toppings, and sauces for a fifteen dollar burger you and your intestines won't soon forget. Even the sides switch it up on you. Pick a potato--tot, sweet, or shoestring--and then decide on a fry salt. Everyone chooses bacon, even the vegetarians.

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Restaurants • Ballard / Loyal Heights

Power Breakfast

Oh, Wild Mountain Cafe, why did it take me so long to find you? I drive by your lovely eggplant facade every day on my way to work but it took a serious breakfast craving for me to stop. If I had known about the stellar potato goodness you keep hidden inside I would have been calling in late every day for the last year. Along with the delicious roasted garlic potato cakes, you serve slices of homemade coffee cake bigger than my head. Not that I can realistically eat all that sugar, but it's important to never give up. Something called a Piggy Patty Pile (French toast layered with sausage and fried eggs) makes me want to eat meat and gets me giggling over the name. Even though you made me wait (not too long though), you kept me content with your self-service coffee bar. I am already anticipating my next visit and this time I plan on conquering a cinnamon roll. Although you don't like it, your cozy eating spaces make me want to linger. But I suppose I could relinquish my seat and share your culinary wonders with the masses.

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Restaurants • Ballard / Loyal Heights

Tasty: A Pastry

"Dude this kringle is amazing." This was the unanimous response among my friends at a recent Sunday brunch. We were all spraying buckshot crumbs of it while trying to talk and shove more buttery goodness into our mouths at the same time. Larsen's has been supplying the same breakfast treats to office break rooms and holiday brunches for over fifty years. Around Ballard this corner bakery is a multi-generational wonderland where grandparents take the little ones to enjoy the same Danish they ate as a kid. Even faraway Vikings can tame their cravings by ordering over the internet and having their kringle delivered to their door. The overwhelming cardamom aroma that greets you at Larsen's takes me back to baking day with my German grandmother. My world is definitely a better place because I have butter horns within walking distance.

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Shopping • Ballard / Loyal Heights

Ain't No Pannenkoeken

Is anyone else in Seattle tired of the privilege of waiting 45 minutes to indulge in a ginormous helping of breakfast foods on a Sunday morning? I don’t care if it is free range, organic, vegan, or wheat grass infused. For fuck sake it’s breakfast: I want grease-tastic, carb-loaded, diner fare. The Original Pancake House is a godsend for an old-fashioned girl from Baltimore like me. Gingham curtains shade the windows, pine paneling casts a yellow blush across the room, and collector plates loom down from on high. Pancakes are obviously the showstoppers here, although they do have competition from the skillet-sized omelets. But these babies know how to work it with a fluff index of at least a quarter of an inch and fifteen options to choose from. Next Sunday morning, pull your disheveled self out of bed and head down for some medicine because nothing cures a hangover faster than a gut full of bacon pancakes. Now I’m a vegetarian, but back in the day I could eat the hell out of some pig pillowed in buttermilk batter. The best part is it won’t require endless waiting to receive your fix.

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Restaurants • Ballard / Loyal Heights

Goodmiscellany

With the amount of time I spend here, I am beginning to worry I will one day be featured on an Oprah episode about hoarders. But the delight procured by discovering a dainty English tea cup or cashmere sweater is simply too pleasurable to resist. For people who love bargain shopping would call this Goodwill a hotspot for serious thrifting. Those people are wrong. Come for the furniture, the kitchen gadgets, the books! A well-seasoned cast iron pan, a foosball table, or a Turkish phrasebook can all be yours for the taking. The staff is a bit surly, the checkout line is normally hideously long, and good luck finding someone to let you into the dressing room. Well organized shelves, clean bathrooms, and good lighting make this store seem like Nordstrom compared to some of the other Goodwill locations around town. On the weekend, be prepared to fight for that rust orange shaggy wool sweater.

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Shopping • Ballard / Loyal Heights

Nordic Babes in Toyland

If you aren’t descended from the Vikings, it’s sometimes easy to forget that Ballard is the Little Scandinavia of Seattle. But the Copper Gate, with its unpronounceable menu and décor, is a potent reminder. The walls are adorned with paintings (some of them black light!) of Nordic beauties in the buff. The bar is a freaking Viking Ship, the sails of which are papered with a busy collage of the aforementioned nubile Norsewomen. Even the ladies room is decorated with naked ladies (along with an inspired diorama of Barbie Dolls). Sadly, I can only imagine what the men’s room looked like. My only design complaint is about the furniture. The walls and bar scream dive, but the tables and chairs are all Belltown. Once you order, the Belltown implications make a bit more sense. Beers, meats, and cream soups say “feeding the famished dock-workers,” but small portions and specialty cocktails say “Scandinavian Porn bar! How kitchy! How delightful!” The food is pretty good (Blomkalsuppe and Grill Ribbe hit the spot) and the walls are fun to look at. (Did I mention the bar is a ship?) I just wish the place were a little bit dirtier.

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Nightlife • Ballard / Loyal Heights