Seattle

The Brown Derby Series

Hollywood has produced a lot of silly screenplays. But now, there's something more fun than getting drunk and making fun of these movies with your friends. And that's getting drunk and watching the professionals do it. Ian Bell has assembled an amazingly talented cast to lampoon the crap out of titles like Total Recall, Sixteen Candles, The Goonies, and 9 to 5. No film is safe so long as it can be punched up with men in shoddy drag, prosthetic body parts and a little dry humping. Each show comes with its own surprises. For Aliens, local dance troupe The Buttrock Suites dressed in scary black leotards and boogied their way in and out of our hearts. Unfortunately, Brown Derby is a little like a bolt of lightening. You never know when it’s going to strike. But keep your eyes peeled for the fliers and get there early because they don’t take reservations. If you're really lucky, you might catch local celebrity and theatrical genius, Nick Garrison, play the female lead. His Sharon Stone in Total Recall was awe-inspiring. But no matter whose on stage, you can be sure they'll bring the hilarity. Also, sometimes there are cupcakes.

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Nightlife • Downtown / Denny Triangle

Hydrotherapy

Global warming means cold winters. A recession means busting your butt at work so you don't get a pink slip. Banya 5, means extreme relaxation to help you forget about these trying times. Unwind like a gangster in this authentic Russian bathhouse. If you want a deep tissue massage or salt scrub, you might have to tap the mattress bank. But you can spend all day in hydrotherapy for only $35. The entry fee includes the hot tub, steam room, tepid pool, sauna and cold plunge. You'll feel a little like a brick oven pizza in the 200 degree sauna, but a dip in the cold plunge will cool you right off. After that, the tepid pool will feel like a hot tub. Take a break from all that detox with a cup of tea in the lounge. You don't even have to change out of your swimsuit. You'll be so warm when you leave that every room you'll be in for the next several hours will become a steam room. This is exactly how the Russians survive their winter. Well, that and the vodka. 

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Shopping • Downtown / Denny Triangle

Really Excellent Items

This place needs no introduction around here; to all outdoor enthusiasts and intrepid travelers, REI, founded in Seattle, is heaven. Or pretty damn close to it. Every item is 100% satisfaction guaranteed, so if the straps on your Teva sandals break loose 3 years down the road, or if you're skilled enough to break your skis, you can exchange them or get a full refund. The prices may knock you back into reality once in a while, but the quality is worth it. They've got products from every reputable brand out there, from Keen to Novara, Patagonia to prAna, Timbukt2 to Eagle Creek, so whether you're looking for a touring bike or a snowboard, yoga clothing or travel packs, you'll get so dizzy from all the options you won't want to attempt their 65 foot tall rock climbing wall after all.

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Shopping • Downtown / Denny Triangle

Fusion Diffusion

What is it about Seattle's posh art hotels always being adjacent to sushi restaurants? Not that I'm complaining. Hotel Max has Red Fin, a black and red art deco number which looks unaffordable but actually isn't. They’re open early for breakfast and late for midnight snacks (and for drinking any time because life on the road gets lonely). But this isn't mediocre, travel convenience food. This shit is good. The breakfast menu is standard with a bit of culinary flair. Come lunch time, the Asian fusion kicks in. In the Seattle tradition, the sushi menu features inventive rolls with a geographical naming convention. Tempura abounds if you like your rolls to crunch. Get in on the happy hour deals from 4-6 and 10-1am daily including $3 hot sakes and an incrementally priced small plate menu. Hickory smoked sea salt makes a world of difference for edamame. Don't forsake the shiitake mushroom dumplings or the teriyaki chicken sandwich (with applewood smoked bacon, naturally). When you're stuffed with Asian goodies, feast your eyes on a stroll through the Hotel Max lobby.

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Restaurants • Downtown / Denny Triangle